Your dad works for my dad: Our guide to Varsity chants

Sing your hearts out, Notts

In the last few years, Trent have out-sung us. That can’t happen again.

1. “Your dad works for my dad”

One of the true favourites. Because literally every Trent students’ parents push trollies around a Co-Op car park, it is important to let them know of our inevitably superior financial status.

There’s no better way of demonstrating how effortlessly middle-class you are than singing this age-old classic between sips of G and T.

See also: “We pay your benefits, we pay your benefits”

football varsity fc

2. “One add one, two add two, these are sums that you can’t do, with a nic nac paddy whack give the Trent a bone, go back to your council home”

Thirty word chant? Suck it, Trent.

Not only is this chant impressively long, it will show how intellectual and poetic you are. Cap it off with an offensive gesture to complete the double-whammy.

hockey varsity

3. “If you can’t go to Uni go to Trent”

Everyone’s first choice university is Nottingham. Therefore, 100% of Trent students wish they were at Nottingham.

It’s very important that you make sure they are aware of this.This is especially good if you want to make them feel jealous of your intellect, looks and hilarity.

Which you do. All the time.

men's football

4.You’re thick, you’re poor, you couldn’t even score, Nottingham Trent, Nottingham Trent”

Similar to the Dad chant, this beauty will make Trent feel economically and intellectually disadvantaged.

The rhyme of ‘poor’ and ‘score’ is obviously brilliant, but make sure you use it as early as possible, just in case Trent do actually score.

American Football

5. “What’s that coming over the hill, it’s unemployment, unemployment”

Because you go to the best university in the country, you will be able to get whatever job you want by the time you’re 25. Because Trent is a stinky poly, all Trent students will remain unemployed forever.

This chant enforces these harsh truths – use it if we start losing.


6. “Give me an E!”
“Give me an E!”
“Give me another E!”
“What have you got?”
“Into Nottingham Trent”

Our entry requirements were stricter than Trent’s entry requirements. If that’s not a sign of complete superiority, I don’t know what is.

See Also: “We got 3 As you got 2 Cs”


7. “I’d rather be a cunt than unemployed”

Trent will say they’d “rather be a poly than a cunt” or something equally uninspired. Demonstrate your red-brick wit by flipping their own chant on them.

Follow this up with some typical vulgar, laddish behaviour to further mark your territory.

Last team talk before playing trent


Another one of the all-time favourites. When your intellectual excellence grows boring, employ this little number as a vocal manifestation of your physical prowess.

The louder and deeper you growl this chant, the bigger your penis is.


9. “We go somewhere you don’t go, UNI, UNI”

Did you know that Trent used to be a Polytechnic? In comparison to our well-established and highly reputable institution, that is laughable. So laugh at them.