The ultimate Valentine’s Day guide for newly single students

So – it's Valentines Day, and you’re unexpectedly alone in bed with a sad £3.99 ice cream from New Zealand Wines, and Bridget Jones. You and your school sweetheart tried to make it work long distance while you're both at uni, but ended up breaking up when you went home for Christmas. Turns out, you actually both cheated on each other in Freshers and now it's all a bit awkward. Don't worry, we get it. We've all been there. So we're here to show the recently single how you and Bridget can not only cope, but thrive with elegance and V-Day style this 14th Feb.

Stay off social media
Get off Instagram and put your laptop in the bin. The worst thing you can do is anxiously refresh your ex's Facebook page to see if their relationship status has changed or even worse stalk their new significant other. Resist the urge to send them pass agg Tweets about it or hateful personalised MoonPig cards (roses are red, violets are blue, you've got a small dick and I fucking hate you.)

Look at these people and this green stuff

Treat yo'self

Dip into your overdraft, you deserve it

Treat yo’self. Like, really. Go to town on Deliveroo and spend all of your nest egg on organic cotton Obama-print underwear off Etsy. You deserve it.

Have a nice bath

Soak up dem bubbles. Have a cry underwater so your tears feel small. Make sure you come back above water. Also try to avoid the black mould in your student bathroom.

Let it all out
Whether this means a good cry, writing a very sad book, or dancing naked around a flaming pile of your ex's clothes, it’s important to let it all out on this godforsaken day. Scream at a cat. Set fire to your curtains. Then put out the fire and apologise to your cat. Catharsis will make you feel soft and raw later and you’ll heal easier without all those angry emotions dragging you down and making you feel like Voldemort.

Ask for help

Because what are friends for if not little ego boosts at convenience??? Call all two of them and get them to wipe your tears. You’ll realise who is truly there for you at times of crisis, and clue: it’s not your ex. You’re better off without them.

Be good to yourself

Self-care is the best thing you can do to yourself at this time. Don’t mull too long over the ins-and-outs of the break-up or blame yourself (it's always his fault, anyway.) Give yourself some sweet lovin’. Deep breaths and funny videos of dogs solve a lot of seemingly unsolvable problems.

Repeat this to yourself: I'mma Queen
Own your singleness. View today as your own personal Independence Day and make flags out of his old t shirt. And realise u a bad bitch who don’t need no man/woman/partner. Make yourself look pretty. Do a lil dance to Beyonce. You got this.

Feeling fabulous