Leeds uni is offering ’emergency food boxes’, and they’re literally a joke

In an attempt to be a force for good, the University of Leeds is offering “self-isolation food boxes” to students locked in their homes due to Covid-19. The box totals £10.44 according to the Tesco’s website, and includes almost no ingredients which can be combined to make an even slightly enjoyable meal.

What’s worse, uni is even offering the chance to add two frozen meals on for £10 if you don’t fancy a rice and banana curry, which some would call an absolute rip off.

We weren’t about to take these vital resources away from students who actually need them, so thought we’d rinse it from afar. Here’s what you get inside:

Brown bread

Coming in with a decent start, at least you’re gonna be able to have beans on toast. Brown isn’t for everyone, but I guess uni is just really concerned for our health, so much so they included no vegetables in this box.

Butter

Fine. So the toast won’t be dry. But considering at £1.49 this is the most expensive thing in the box, I think we’re in for a shite few meals.

6 Eggs

Winner, winner, scrambled eggs on toast for dinner! (And breakfast, and lunch, and all of your snacks).

5 bananas

Actual solid choice from uni here. Bananas not only provide a great start to your morning, but the skins can be used as a slip and slide in your flat kitchen to prevent you all from dying of boredom.

3 clementines

Bit of vitamin C and corona will be gone before you can say “I want my 9k a year back”.

Long life milk

Its the 24 month shelf-life for me. Side note: £1.10? Rip-off.

2 porridge sachets

TWO whole porridge sachets!! Coming in at 20p each, according to Tesco, uni has really treated us to a filling and boujee breakfast with this one.

Rice sachet

One rice sachet. Almost as useless as giving us a single grain of rice, Leeds.

3 mini cereal boxes

These are made for four-year olds and one box simply is not enough for a normal adult to eat for breakfast. Also, someone’s gotta have the cornflakes, and I don’t want it to be me.

3 instant soup sachets

Honestly get in the bin.

Tin of beans

Saving this for beans on toast, the only elite combo possible with these ingredients.

Tin of tuna

When we searched for “tuna tin” on Tesco’s website it only showed us cat food.

Tin of tomatoes

Come on, a single tin of tomatoes seems a little stingy, uni. But, at least you may be able to rustle something up with the crusty spices you have in your cupboard and pour it onto your single sachet of rice.

Pasta

At this point, the only pasta topping we’ve got left is mushy banana.

Biscuits

At least you can bury your quarantine sadness under a pile of Digestive crumbs.

Chocolate creams

Uni really providing us with the health good heres. Spoiling us with that 45p packet of own-brand bourbons. Not complaining though.

Lucozade

To be fair, everyone knows Lucozade cures all manner of health sins. Including the brutal hangover you’ll have every morning from trying to soothe your cough with Sambuca the night before.

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