Naff Halloween

Halloween. That wonderful time of year that’s steeped with cultural and historical ties to our forefathers; where we take time as students to sit down and really reflect on what the ceremony means, investing countless hours on conceptualising and then actualising our costumes so as to properly express our thoughts on the occasion.

Or not.

Alas, it seems all great traditions tied to the ceremony have been lost in our student bubble in favour of the slap-dash costume, so I decided to compile a harsh list of some the crappier Halloween accessories.

My big sister has always harked on at me never to wear ‘skin’ tights as she claims they are the least sexy garments a girl can wear.  Whilst I was in my denim-shorts-and-not-brave/warm enough-for-bare-legs-stage (I am ginger and suffer from what she calls ‘corn beef legs’ when it’s cold) I ignored her and was convinced she had it all wrong.

I gradually saw the light and shied away from my Acid Wash, rolled-up Miss Selfridge denim delights, which more often than not left ample room for the fugly darker area of my Pretty Polly’s to be on show.  Thankfully I eventually accepted that she was probably right.

This Halloween was the ultimatum in my realization about bad hosiery.  I think trying to make some nylon sexy is a big enough task without sticking broomsticks and spiders on them and claiming they are spooky, or worse still, sexy.  I don’t think there will ever be anything sexy about them when they house a ‘gusset’ – a gruesome word in itself.  Moreover, I am yet to see a pair of said tights which add anything to the outfit.

I don’t really want to talk about this man.  But seeing him on your timeline is not cool or funny the 10^th time, nor is it shocking.

More so when it is done badly with a blonde wig, which was meant to have gone with a titsy Alice in Wonderland costume.  If it is because you want an excuse to wear vintage Adidas then just go ahead and be ‘that guy’ but for GOD’S SAKE leave out the cigar.

When I was clutching at straws thinking of something I could ‘be’ for the evening and get really drunk in, I went through all of the ginger characters I could think of: Puss in Boots, Annie, Pippi Longstocking; all the while envisioning these characters with a little bit o’ blood on their new-found pallid faces.  I was telling my wizened sister this and she pointed out that it doesn’t count to just put ‘scary’ or ‘dead’ in front of a character name.

Of course there are no rules with Halloween costumes which makes it more fun – or funny because it’s bad – but at the same time it can make it hauntingly shite: most of my friends ended up going as themselves and got guilt-tripped into some fake blood upon arrival at the party.  Nose-Bleed Beth or Scabby-Fingered Sally ain’t that frightening.

Walking home from uni on Wednesday I saw a house with roughly half a toilet roll draped around its lovely grill/gates – the ones that stop you from getting broken into.  It was a sorry sight on so many levels but at least they were getting into the Halloween spirit, even if they were going to be throwing a poo party.

These have been knocking around for too long, and not just on Halloween: geeks, sexy geeks, geeks, scary geeks, ravers, geeks, scary ravers, dead ravers.  Can we please just move on?

Finally, I would like to add that I am not a complete Halloween scrooge, I had loads of fun and went as a cat in the end (I was Puss/Pissed in Boots), it was terrifying!  I would also like to add that my personal favourite kind of Halloween outfit – and seemingly the one that gets the most likes on Facebook – is one of the self-deprecating variety (see Cady in Mean Girls).  My absolute Halloween highlight, however, was my friends’ Shrek and Fiona duo.  Props to them for the spine-tingling costume and for braving Propaganda.