From failing to pigeons: Here are Lancs students’ biggest fears
Are the ducks actually cute or are we just trying to keep them happy so they don’t kill us all?
Lancaster is a wonderful place, but it’s full of many things that can easily haunt our nightmares. Whether it’s the big existential worries like ‘is my degree really worth it?’ to seemingly trivial fears like the ducks, every student has a Lancs-related fear and they’re all completely valid. We asked and you delivered, so here are all Lancs’ students biggest fears.
The big one. You can guarantee every student has experienced this fear at least once in their time at uni, and honestly it’s TERRIFYING. The loans, endless hours of crying over essays and enduring the inevitable “what are your plans for after uni” question need to be worth it.
‘Having no friends’
Again, this is a really deep fear. Uni can be one of the loneliest experiences, even when you have a good friendship group, so it’s a very universal fear. It can be so hard to try and make friends, especially for the many introverts you’ll find on campus.
We’re sorry, but if you’ve come to Lancs and rain is your biggest fear, then you’re pretty much screwed. We can imagine you spend 90% of your time in your house.
The thought of The Sugarmouse gives us the willies. Those soulless eyes actually haunt our dreams and even the 3-4-6 VKs couldn’t tempt us anywhere near The Sugarmouse.
‘Being recognised by/recognising someone from a dating app’
There’s nothing more chilling than walking past someone you’ve ghosted on Tinder on one of the Spines. Maybe you’ll make eye contact with them, maybe you’ll pretend like you don’t recognise them. Imagine recognising someone you matched with on Hinge in the Greggs queue— you’d have to choose between your sausage roll and your dignity.
‘Falling down the Underpass steps’
You’re rushing for your bus, focused on getting home so you can have a nap when all of a sudden you take a tumble, wiping out a hoard of students as you go. This is genuinely one of the most horrifying experiences any Lancs student could have and it reminds us to be extra careful on the steps to save both our bones and our pride.
‘Lancs ducks chasing me til the end of time if I don’t give them my sausage roll’
This is too specific to not have actually happened. We’re so sorry for your traumatic experience, because we get it too. The ducks, although they’re cute, are really scary. They show no fear and will absolutely come after your Greggs. 100% convinced they’re plotting an uprising so they can have campus to themselves and honestly, they can have it.
‘Submitting my draft essay by accident’
Despite the hundreds of times you check you’ve submitted the right document, you can guarantee you’ll have a rush of panic one minute before the deadline and have to check you didn’t submit your draft. It’s possibly one of the worst feelings ever and it definitely keeps us up at night.
‘Isaac from Sultans’
Are you just intimidated by how friendly he is? His lovely smile? His free water? This man is a blessing and definitely not someone to be feared.
It’s better if you don’t think about it.
They show less fear than the ducks, and they’re far less cute so their behaviour can’t be excused. The pigeons in town will happily try to decapitate you and won’t even bat a beady eyelid. Maybe they’re just trying to warn you to stop spending money in TK Maxx?