‘Woke up with no tooth and no memory’: Edinburgh students tell us their wildest nights out
“I got stretchered out of Big Cheese and put on morphine.”
The beloved Edinburgh night out – who doesn’t miss it?
We’re feeling extra nostalgic for all those nights lost to the cobblestones of Old Town so we asked Edinburgh students to tell us their absolute craziest, wildest, and downright embarrassing night out stories.
The people of Edinburgh delivered, but be warned: some of these are pretty graphic and gross af.
“Woke up after a night on Cowgate with half a tooth missing, no memory of how it happened.
Made my 9 am.”
Half a tooth missing and your priority was making your tutorial? A man of the booze and the books.
“Some guy got his dick out on the dance floor and started peeing, but I didn’t notice so I walked right in it.
What makes it worse is I was in heels but they hurt so I took them off — walked in piss barefoot.”
– Caitlin, 21
I think that might be the end of the night for most of us.
“I was walking back home from a night out when we stumbled across the Christmas market. Of course it was guarded with the spired gates but that didn’t faze me.
I tried to climb over as I thought it was a great idea but once on top of the gate the spire went straight through my shoe and into my foot. So I was then sat on the street with an impaled foot in floods on tears.”
Anyone else wince every time they see the words “impaled foot”?
“Got attacked on a rogue Sunday night outside Bongos because I wouldn’t share my Uber with a stranger.
Uber driver got punched, mate’s hair got pulled, and the police were called. I spent the rest of my evening in the back of a police van giving my statement. Shoutout to the Uber driver who waited for us and gave us a free lift home!”
I’m hoping this guys and that driver are still in touch. That is a life-long bond.
“Me and my friends and my boyfriend took my sister to her first ever night to Big Cheese. All was going well until I slipped in a puddle of VK and dislocated my knee.
They called an ambulance and the paramedic had to put me on gas and air and put my knee back into place twice. Got stretchered out of Big Cheese and into an ambulance and put me on morphine.”
Think about all the times you’ve slipped in a puddle of VK. To think, it could’ve ended with hospitalisation??
“Woke up with no memory of the previous night in a pool of my own vomit.
Had a £60 charge from city cabs for being sick in the taxi, my clutch bag was also full of vomit. Mother drove over from Glasgow to take me to A&E where I found out I had a concussion, bruised orbital bone, fractured arm, and sprained ankle. To this day no one knows what happened after the bouncers kicked me out of the club and put me in a taxi.”
This makes waking up with half a tooth sound like a good morning.
“Woke up on the sofa on my halls the morning after, my friend had locked herself in my room, and she had peed in my bed and soaked all the way through.
My flatmate tried to help by spraying Dettol toilet cleaner all over it which just gassed my whole room (genuinely couldn’t breathe in there). I couldn’t sleep in there for five days because I was too scared to ask for a new mattress.”
If you ever feel like you’ve had a rough night, just be glad if you still have a mattress.
“I was out in subway during freshers of fourth year and was FUCKED.
I was with the guy I was sleeping with at the time, ended up getting with some random girl in the toilets, got kicked out of subway, wet myself both in the doorway of my flat and then in my bed. I vomited a lot then tried to blame the bed wetting on the guy I was seeing because I refused to believe I did it.”
Ladies, the only thing a man loves more than a bed wetter is a bed wetter who tries to blame it on him.
“During the summer I went to Garis and after a few too many Garis specials decided to go for a spin on the pole.
I woke up the next day in agony – I’d blacked out for a bit and well and truly hit the deck and had huge bruises on my side that I had no recollection of getting.”
– Sophie, 20
Garibaldi’s really should start handing out waivers, shouldn’t they?
“I got too drunk at Flare with my best mate and broke four ribs.
I fell off the seat thing in the LED room.”
One rib for every tube shot she took!
Cover photo: Neil Stewart