20 awful things about entering your twenties and having to leave your innocent, blissful teenage years behind
Oh to be young again
The youth of today spend much of their school years impatiently waiting to grow up – but the blessings of living at home, with mum on tap to make tea and book your dentist appointments and dad as your go-to chauffeur go unnoticed as they blindly will the clock to speed up in anticipation of adulthood.
Only now do we realise how wrong we were – as we sit hungover, in bed, in the dark, drowning in essay deadlines, with a broken boiler and rats running about the floor of our manky student flat. Welcome to your twenties, pal.
1. The hangovers are awful
Long gone are the days of bouncing back after your nutty night at your bestie's 17th birthday house party, having drunk four whole Smirnoff Ices and staying up to a crazy 1am! One night out nowadays will have you in bed crippled and immobile for at least three days.
2. You have to call up and book your own doctor, dentist and hair appointments
Your mum is no longer your slave and that hair isn't gonna cut itself. Telephonophobia: activated.
3. Being single is suddenly a huge problem
You're nearing childbearing age! Spinsterhood is nigh! Must find husband soon otherwise will spend rest of life forever alone; re-watching Friends with a glass of wine (or three) every night.
4. Going to bed at 7pm becomes attractive
In your youth, the concept of being sent or going to bed early probably repulsed you, but now bed is all you can think about. Sometimes the only thing that gets you out of bed in the morning is the thought that you can soon return to said bed eight hours later. Goodness, you're an animal.
5. You're closer to 40 than 20, which means wrinkles are nigh, right?
Having been stressed since about the age of 16 (thank you IGCSE Chemistry), the chances of you developing wrinkles from your constantly strained forehead and crow's feet from constant crying are worryingly high. Slap on that moisturiser and hope for the best, honey.
6. You have to cook adult food
No longer do you come home from an arduous day of colouring in at school to a beaut , home-cooked meal. Instead, you return home ruined from uni to find an empty fridge and an out-of-date can of sweetcorn in your equally depleted cupboard. Bone app the teeth.
7. You think you're still down with the kids, but it turns out that boat sailed a long time ago
You're babysitting and crack a killer Vine reference, only for it to be met with blank stares. Oh to be hip again.
8. You have to stop hoeing about and look for a mature, respectable gentleman to sweep you off your feet instead
As much as we hate to admit it, husband-hunting won't go down well in Bongos or La Belle. You contemplate signing up to an actual society, but find yourself that very evening hanging off the pole in Gazza's and wondering why you're forever single.
9. You realise that you're now the oldest in the 17-year-old-infested clubs and feel absolutely ancient
Excuse me, Mr Bouncer, that child is underage.
10. You have to pay bills
Nothing screams adulthood like having to pay your energy bills. You'll feel enraged coming home to your flatmates having left every single light on, and tetchy when they dry their hair for more than 10 minutes.
11. Domestic activities are the bane of your existence
It's fun at first – giving the flat a cheeky hoover whilst you play I Want To Break Free. However, the horror strikes when you realise there is SO much more to cleaning a house than giving the kitchen surfaces a wipe down. The second you have to deal with a burst bin bag, the concept of running your own home turns from sexy to shitty.
12. You get excited about rogue kitchen appliances
A top of the range salad cutter? A spiralizer? Perhaps even a rice cooker? You realise there is a whole world of incredible cooking appliances out there, and will never struggle to fill your Christmas list ever again.
13. Songs and films that formed your childhood are turning 10 years old
If I Were A Boy, Take a Bow, and Paper Planes all turned ten in 2018 – yet it still feels like yesterday that you were belting them out with your mates over a tinny YouTube instrumental. Alas, these bangers are now older than the kids you babysit – and oh boy does it make you feel fossilised.
14. You get nostalgic and upset when younger kids don't get your 2007 Britney breakdown references
If Britney got through 2007, I can get through this essay, right?
15. You get asked what you want to do with your life
Ah, the infamous question at any family engagement. You're midway through a conversation with Great Uncle John about your degree when your hands begin to sweat and you develop a stutter. You know it's coming. As the dreaded words start to drip from his ancient lips, you find yourself running out the door, down the stairs, and into the street. Not today, Uncle John, not today.
16. No one buys you anything any more
Your student loan may seem lush when it arrives in your account, however having to buy your own food, socks and shampoo will mean that funds deplete pretty rapidly. Sacrifices need to start being made, and it's oh-so-heartbreaking. Goodbye Anastasia Beverly Hills, and hello Boots own brand.
17. You stop getting birthday and Christmas presents from distant family members
You may not have ever met your mum's second cousin Sylvia, but you sure did appreciate the Christmas money she used to send you every year. Why is it that when we pass a certain age, everyone seems to think we deserve less? Surviving each day of your twenties warrants a medal in itself.
18. You have to discipline yourself in the mornings
"Just five more minutes" in bed turns into a full missed day of uni scarily easily when you don't have your mum screaming at you to get up in time for the school run.
19. You're in denial of the fact you're an adult now
You're getting older by the second, and freaking out about it. To combat your greying hair, you'll find yourself getting an impromptu belly button piercing, booking a spontaneous weekend in Amsterdam you can't afford, or even signing up to be a sugar baby. Love don't pay the bills, amiright?
20. Suddenly every day becomes a self care day
You've survived two long decades on this planet, and that's more than enough reason to treat yourself to a deep cleansing mud mask or a binge sesh of Gossip Girl. Treat yo self, you little adult you.