You are guaranteed to experience these 17 things whilst living in a Redland house

Living in Redland brings with it all sorts of unique trials and tribulations, from DJs replacing your night meditation with deafening DnB, to being tricked by the fancy-looking Victorian terraced houses into paying £600 a month just to be FREEZING cold all year.

Now the next generation of freshers have migrated from their cosy halls to Bristol’s neighbourhoods, you won’t manage a year in Redland without encountering some of these familiar problems.

Impossible parallel parking

You may have scraped through your driving test and thought you were Lewis Hamilton in your mum’s VW Polo cruising through the wide streets of Surrey  – not in Redland. If you have brought your car down this year, its wing-mirrors will not still be in their original place by the end of it. Sorry.

Awkward encounters in the street

Redland is home to your Brass Pig regrets, your weird former seminar pals, and even the dreaded ex-flames that you haven’t spoken to since a messy break up in halls. Best advice is to smile and wave whilst walking briskly away from any potentially awkward conversation.

Noise vs neighbours

Whilst you may love having a resident house DJ who spends their time practising on the decks, the average neighbour in this quiet borough does not – keep the windows shut if you want any chance of surviving the year without a noise complaint or eviction.

Gap year memorabilia

Just in case you’d forgotten which of your housemates spent a few months in Asia drinking Changs and taking pictures on their film camera, you’ll soon be reminded. There is barely a bedroom wall in Redland that is not covered in a decorative tapestry or 4,000 pictures from the same trip.

House romance

It doesn’t take long before a Redland house turns into a rainy version of Casa Amor. Sadly, just like Love Island, the romance never lasts more than a few weeks before it descends into anarchy and arguments. Don’t do it. Seriously. Don’t.

Freezing cold

Bristol is not famed for its brilliant weather, and student houses are not famed for their brilliant heating. Prepare for at least a few Arctic nights, especially if your flat mates are stubborn about turning the heating on. It’s not all doom and gloom though – at least you’ll get ample opportunity to show off that new Nike puffer you found at a vintage fair.

LED Lighting disputes

You (and everyone else in Redland) made the clever investment of some multicoloured LED lights from Amazon to spruce up your new home. Sadly, you’ve just signed yourself up for a year’s-worth of war with your housemates on the best colours to dazzle your guests with.

Mess everywhere

When you first moved in, you pictured your living room as a relaxing space full of plants and nice lights. By day two, you can’t see the floor anymore underneath the Deliveroo wrappers and empty beer cans. That’s without even mentioning the entrepreneurial housemates that will use every spare square inch of space as storage for their Depop stock.

Biological experiments in the fridge

You’ll see more living things in a Redland fridge than in your average rainforest. Hygiene is not often an area of student expertise.

Toilet roll shortages

You may have described yourself on your personal statement as “hard-working, active and independent,” but the reality is you can rarely be bothered to walk all of 30 seconds to Texaco to stock up on toilet roll, leading to some pretty dire situations.

Being fooled by fancy exteriors

When strolling around the streets of Redland, you can easily be duped by the lovely looking buildings where students dwell. Unfortunately, once you open the front doors, it’s far less fancy and much more mouldy and falling apart.

Accidentally flashing people

Living on the ground floor on busy residential streets takes some getting used to for many people, and not before they’ve accidentally flashed a large number of horrified passers-by through the window. If you like to parade around your room in your birthday suit, shut the curtains first (for everyone’s sake).

The battle for the aux

Just as you’re kicking back listening to the Beach Boys on a quiet night in, your housemate with no work tomorrow imagines themselves behind the decks in Ibiza with a crowd of 500 ravers. Instead of counting sheep you find yourself counting beats per minute and sleep becomes a distant dream.

Late night chip runs

You might think that clubs closing down will save you a ton of money that would’ve been spent on a post-Grav kebab – think again. Chandos Fish Bar is dangerously close to everyone in the heart of Redland and continues to quash attempted health kicks on a daily basis.

Rogue discoveries when clearing up

Seriously why is there a vinyl on the roof? Who was drinking port? Having said that it’s often a good time to find that oversized Adidas hoodie you haven’t seen for six months and presumed you’d never see again. Nice.

The hoover that smells of fermented puke

At first you might question why your hoover smells so gross 24/7. Then you realise that its job is to absorb all the fag butts, guac residue and crusted red wine that finds its way onto a Redland floor – a job you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

Crippling costs

Compared to other student areas across the country, Redland is brutally expensive. This, partnered with pint prices, is enough to make anyone’s eyes water. £5.50 for a pint at the Clyde? I think it’s going to have to be some tinnies from Costcutter (again).

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