8 ways to console yourself now you’re poor at uni

Don’t let rent day get you down.

The dreaded day has finally arrived. Rent.

For many of us it’s the first time we’ve ever experienced thousands of pounds coming out of our bank account on one horrific day.

Your bank account has fallen as flat as Val’s Yorkshires from this seasons Bake Off. So here’s a few ways to make yourself feel just a little bit better.

Cry into the lentils your mum bulk bought you.

When you saw your parents drive off into the distance you thought the five kilo bag of lentils in your cupboard would sit and gather dust until you could give them back over summer.

Now it’s your one source of protein for the next month and you feel like you’ll become very familiar with the taste of dahl.

Make yourself feel better. Get it all out.


Cover yourself in the expensive glitter you brought for freshers

Looking back on the pictures, you look pretty cool. Very Coachella meets Secret Garden Party.

Now though, you are questioning whether or not £5 was well spent on glitter. Of course it was, glitter is amazing!  So bask in it’s joy whilst you still can, and before your flatmates use all of it for Halloween.


Decide whether to buy food or alcohol for the next month

Ah the age old question. Whilst on the one hand eating is cheating, eating is also amazing. But so is Motion. Now is the time to sit down and work out your priorities, as everyone knows making solid plans is the way to make yourself feel comforted.

So what will it be, more dahl or Tesco’s own brand vodka?


Binge on the food you can no longer afford

You still have the brie and McVities that you brought when you still had money. Now is the time to help yourself by saying goodbye.

Nothing will feel better than eating expensive cheese that you won’t see again till Christmas, or drinking the salted caramel green tea that you swear makes you feel more energised every time you drink it.


Have an emotional farewell to your Netflix account. Ditto Spotify.

Goodbye old friend

£4.99 a  month has become totally unreasonable so take advantage of this last month by binge watching every TV show and movie you always meant to watch.

Breaking Bad is only 5 seasons. Take advantage of that last month of ad free music. Listen to uplifting music to stop yourself openly weeping at your bank statement.


Educate yourself on the benefits of vegetarianism

Meat is delicious. You know what else it is? A whole lot more expensive than vegetables.

Why not open your mind and save the planet, whilst making your bank account happy by buying carrots as oppose to beef.

You can have meat when your family comes to visit and buys it for you.


Decide if the risks of a clinical trial are worth the Dominos you crave

The texts from Trials4us are endless and tempting. £2080 for one in house stay and the possible risk of heart failure?

Well to put that into perspective you could buy 131 large Mighty Meateor Pizzas with that kind of money. Not including deals.

There’s something to think about whilst you dig into your bowl of baked beans.


Start counting the days till 5th of December

Otherwise known as Bursary Day, the best day of all the days.

Christmas seems like nothing in comparison to the happy day that you will once again be able to afford quinoa and Bacardi once more.

Thank you to the UK government and university for leaving this one tiny ray of hope. You bastards.