Bringing your teddy bears to uni is the best decision you’ll make
They’re all you need
Being an adult is difficult. You’re stressed, getting uglier each day, and all the other adults are bastards. For many of us, we feel as though we still have the youthful zeal of our toddler years trapped within the slowly decaying shell of a fully grown human. Yet there is one way to escape the shackles of boring adult life: owning as many teddies as possible.
It’s the best way to be a big kid again
You can watch old kids’ TV shows on Netflix, but you’ll soon run out of episodes. Have you ever heard of anybody running out of teddies? No. They’ll last forever, meaning that unless you’re the kind of heartless bastard (or, just an ordinary adult) who freely disposes of their fluffy companions, you’ll be able to relive your toddler years long after your housemate finally removes you from the Netflix account you’ve been scrounging off since freshers week. Oh, and if you get bored of your teddy? There’s a world full of new ones just around the corner. Treat yo’self.
They won’t give you cavities
You could also try unleashing your inner kid through eating as many flying saucers as possible. But the sweet life starts to sour pretty quickly. Enduring painful fillings, and the terrible headaches that go hand in hand with the come down from excessive consumption of sugar are both to high a price recapture that glorious feeling of grabbing a pick’n’mix from Woolworths on a Friday afternoon.
But Teddies provide no health risks. You can snuggle away all of your stresses with your fluffy friends and never once have to worry that you’re dangerously close to facing a lifetime of insulin injections. Plus, there’s no “treat” element to the majesty of teddies. Part of their charm is that they are constantly present, something that only becomes more endearing after plenty of time together. Ditch the cola bottles, grab a teddy. Your teeth will thank you.
It’s a private obsession
Finally, having a decent collection of teddy bears is a safe way to avoid odd looks while unleashing your inner child. There are some who try to recreate those blissful days of the past through a more literal approach. Yep, we’re talking about adult babies. Some may argue that the best way to feel young again is through stuffing your kebab-induced flab into an extra large nappy, before crawling around the floor and gargling for attention from someone who is definitely not your mum pretending to be just that.
Although for some, this may be the perfect escape from adult life, for many, this approach would be met with confused looks, plenty of judgment, and possibly the collapse of your entire social life. Alternatively, the worst that you’ll get from proudly displaying your teddies is accusations of being a bit childish, perhaps a bit of a wimp. These minor criticisms don’t matter, because everybody is aware that those who hate teddies are either void of any human emotion, or just a big old jealous meanie. Either way, it’s much better to love your teddies than to love pretending to be an actual baby, and nobody really wants to relive nappy rash.
But they can be expensive
The one downside to teddies is the cost. Some teddies can be very expensive, and if you’re after the beautiful experience offered by Build a Bear, or the absolute joy of the Disney Store, then you have to be prepared to pay in excess of £30 for what is essentially a mass produced bit of fake fur. When you’re forking out for a new teddy, try to remember this: teddies could, in the future, make you insanely wealthy.
We all spent our childhoods collecting Beanie Babies, unless you were the kind of kid who had parents who didn’t really love you. Who would’ve thought that ten years in the future, people would be spending thousands of pounds on eBay buying the tiny toys that we spent a fiver on at the cornershop. So what’s a measly thirty pounds, when one day, that bear could bring you your fortune. Not that you’d ever part with your beloved teddy.
After all, they may be mass produced bits of fake fur, but they’re our mass produced bits of fake fur.