What is your subject’s spirit animal?
Because we know you were wondering
History – Sloth
Perhaps the most isolated bunch within the animal kingdom, these dopey creatures have a reputation for being lazier than a meal solely composed of condiments. The lone motivation of these animals is to eat and sleep.
After long periods of seclusion, these animals spend brief, hour long moments with other members of the species. However, social activities are rare and scarce.
Physical sciences – Octopus
Let’s be honest here, these guys are among the most intellectual animals on the planet, so much so they are credited with helping to disprove God. Although this mainly steams from questions of why God would make a creature that looks so weird.
When faced with other creatures it reaches a panicked state, moving its limbs awkwardly and releasing some form of concentrated liquid around itself.
Classics – Dodo
Hundreds of years ago this species had some sort of ascertainable purpose, you could say that everybody wanted a piece of it. However, recently it has been regarded as the appendix of nature. A species long dead and its ideas are somewhat “extinct” in this modern day world.
Maths – Panda
This animal is one of the biggest recluses on the planet. The most interesting thing about them is that they physically refuse to have intercourse, so when it does actually happen, there’s a global celebration. Oh and they’re pretty much all from Asia.
Ancient historian – Platypus
This animal is quite a sad case indeed. People really have no idea which group this animal fits into. It has the characteristics of two distinct sets of animals, but is shunned socially and intellectually from both.
Most regard it as a combination of many previous animals and so it doesn’t get the respect and individually it thinks it deserves.
Drama – Turtles
When fully grown, these animals can be some of the biggest, most famous things in nature. Sadly, despite the large numbers of hopefuls brought into the world, only one percent of them will ever survive.
As a result, this species is highly dependent on the protection and stability of their parents, without this they will die out very quickly, and be working in Lidl within a week.
Medicine – Hyenas
These animals tend to move in large hunting packs. Their closeness as a unit seems to define their entire way of life. However, this dynamic isolates many other species. They are known for their consistent laughing and perceived “chat”, but if you’re not one of them you’ll have no idea what the hell is so funny.
English – Peacock
This animal screams “oh look at me I’m so artsy.” Perhaps the most pretentious animal within the kingdom, these guys go out of their way to be flamboyant. With colourful personalities the whole room is initially drawn to them, but get a little bit closer and you see it’s all pompous illusion.
Biological sciences – Caterpillar
First things first, these guys fucking love plants. Although, they are never really in the limelight, other animals do the same as them but get all the interest. They don’t really need to work as hard as some of their counterparts, and they mainly just hang around with their plants.
Business studies – Pigeon
This species flocks in large groups to cities where they are usually not wanted. They are so common people actually get pissed off at seeing them. They tend to talk big, but most of the time they are just full of shit.
Law – Cats
These guys suffer a bit of a superiority complex, they think they are sooo much better and more intelligent than everyone. Most of them have that look on their face which says I know I’m better than you. If they want to shit on your floor, they will shit on your floor, and they are happy to watch you clean it up for them.
Economics – Magpie
It is unusual to find an animal so obsessed with acquiring bright shiny things as this one. All that motivates it seems to be its lust for possessions. Thus, it doesn’t care if it has to cheat and steal to get what it wants.
Languages – Parrots
Generally quite a talkative bunch, this species is quite colourful and comes from many far away places. However, they have a habit of repeating whatever you say in a weird and distorted way and so get on everyone’s nerves after a while.
Engineering – Beavers
Will these guys ever stop talking about building things? Yes I get that it’s your thing and you love doing it but still there must be something else interesting? No? Ok… well I guess we’re done here.