The biggest and hottest fundraiser of the year
You don’t need to be here
More like a Christmas tree
Finally, something we can all relate to
The figure is higher than the national average
They’re an essential organisation tool for Bristol students
They don’t even go here
We didn’t all go to private school
Vegans have it easy
Lol
Why does nobody tell the truth this time of year?
You’re all far too fucked and far too fit
It’s not procrastination, it’s ‘revision prep’
I’m so sleep-deprived, I wrote this article as a poem
The people marking your essays have no souls
Remember that building you never go to?
‘Yeah,’ said Harry, ‘but you, unlike me, are a git’
We’re just as worthy as you, and you know it
Because we know you were wondering
And she didn’t even dump me