So, there’s this adorable cat living at Goldney Hall…
Everybody there gets more pussy than you
He doesn’t go to lectures. He’s never waited for a 16 bus in the rain. He’s never had a jug of that green shit in Lounge and he’s in a different girl’s bedroom every night.
Allow us to introduce you to the Goldney Cat. Informally adopted by Goldney residents, this tabby receives the kind of fawning adulation wannabe BNOCs can only dream of.
Everybody loves him: the cleaners have bought a bed for him, residents buy cat food for him and he’s on Facebook and Twitter. Despite all this, he remains nothing if not mysterious.
I just spent the last three days sleeping between a Simply Value Vodka bottle, and a variety pack of pound shop condoms #whatevenismylife
— The Goldney Cat (@goldneycat) December 4, 2012
The elusive feline goes by a variety of names. These range from the exotic (José ) to the puntastic (Kitty).
Whatever you choose to call him, his non-stop presence on Goldney Facebook and Instagram accounts shows what an essential part of the community he’s become.
His daily routine consists of going to the Laundry Room to find a meal left by the cleaners, then he (or she… nobody quite knows) lounges around the picturesque Goldney grounds, lapping up the lush surroundings before taking a study break in the reading room for his Feline Studies 101 Seminar.
Nighttime see’s José wandering from bedroom to bedroom, from photoshoot to photoshoot. He’s been captured:
- Sleeping, surrounded by fairy lights, unnecessary cushions and rubbish inspirational posters.
- Caught in the over-friendly,over-inebriated grasp of drunken fans.
- Wide-eyed due to all the terrible, terrible things he’s seen Goldney residents getting up to.
If all that seems a little sedate, a little local, then check José’s Facebook profile. In the last year alone he’s been to Italy, Catalonia and America, all within the space of the month. How’s he doing it?
Rumours abound about this elusive figure.
Some say that his likeness provided the basis for the Sphinx. Some say he learned powerful meditative (indistinguishable from sleeping) techniques from secretive Tibetan monks hidden away amidst the highest peaks of the Himalayas.
Others claim that he’s the inspiration for the Elton John song “Tiny Dancer” – although that’s probably stretching it a bit.
How he ever ended up in Bristol and at Goldney Hall specifically, will forever be unknown. When did he get here? Where does he come from? All we can be sure of is his assured status as a Goldney icon.