As much as you’ve tried to pretend you haven’t noticed, we all know that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. You either love it, hate it or just try to struggle through to the cheap chocolate the next day. Either way, there are some couples that are impossible to avoid on the dreaded day.

Sickly Sweet

You’re probably already dreading this couple, and you probably already know exactly who it is. The first time you check Facebook after Valentine’s Day, you’ll be bombarded by thousands of pictures of their extremely romantic outing to Villa Italia, not to mention the cheesy teddies and boxes of chocolates that they thoughtfully nabbed out of the Spar half an hour earlier. Then there’s the statuses, sporting so many kisses that it looks less like a confession of undying love and more like a keyboard malfunction. The best thing you can do is just smile and nod through the stories in the hopes that they’ll crack open that Milk Tray they’ve been bragging about.

They’ll eventually morph into one loved-up cuddle monster

Ticking Time Bomb

February 14^th can test anyone’s patience, but this couple are already at wit’s end – with each other. After making the decision to drag the relationship out until mid-February to rack up as many Valentines gifts as possible, they’ll be heading out for a fancy date to let everyone know just how well everything’s going. They might just make it past the starter before the spark of an old argument is rekindled and the waiter is left cowering from the slanging match that ensues. They may be embarrassing, but at least you can finish off your sub-par Valentine’s Day in the knowledge that somebody out there definitely has it worse.

The Valentines Veterans

Hopefully you won’t actually see this couple, but you can probably work out who they are. If their relationship has managed to lurch through the first two stages mentioned above, they’ll probably be far too jaded for Valentine’s Day. Rather than waste money on a night out, they would far prefer eating a Chinese in mismatched pyjamas before a passionate marathon in a locked bedroom. Wait until they disappear upstairs and finish off their leftover curry chip.

Best Friends in Disguise

If you’re not technically in a couple, there’s always the option of grabbing a friend, pretending you’re together and taking advantage of that great two-for-one meal deal. Make gooey eyes over the table at each other and nobody will be any the wiser. If it goes really well, you could even hit a club night together and laugh at all the other desperate singletons (until you get drunk enough to start screaming ‘why does nobody love me?!’ at the bouncers).

Two great men will always be there for you: Jack and Daniel

One Man and His Pizza

The height of student laziness or a show of solidarity to happy singles everywhere? Either way, it’s time to forget about splashing the cash or making an effort to look good. If you’ve just plain quit trying to couple up for the big day, rest easy in the knowledge that Pizza Company will always be there for you. Stick on the least romantic film you can find, put on your onesie and order a deep dish meat feast. Time to celebrate the most special person in your life: you!

Roses are red, violets are blue, pizza is a sort of crispy golden colour