Here they come: Meet the three new bombshells ready to shake up the Cabinet

The producers really scraped the barrel to find these Z-listers

Disclaimer: The following quotes were not actually said by any of MPs mentioned

Number 10 producers were in disarray last night as they desperately sought to fill positions in the ever-running soap opera that is our current government.

In true reality TV fashion, fan favourites Rishi and Sajid stormed out minutes apart in spectacular fashion. Working through the night, BoJo has had to pull out all the stops to find quick replacements. But who are our new bombshells joining the Cabinet?

We’ve worked out all their biggest icks, who they’ve got their eyes on and what their biggest red flags are. It’s time to meet the three latest recruits:

Nadhim, 55

Before edits via via I T S/Shutterstock

55-year-old Nadhim from Stratford-upon-Avon takes over as chancellor.

When asked why he has joined the Cabinet, Nadhim said: “I know what I want and I’m not afraid to step on a few toes to get it.”

“I love using my privilege to claim expenses, like that time I claimed £4,000 to run the electricity in my stables. Don’t worry I was forced to apologise and pay it back.

“My biggest ick would probably be EU immigration, it’s uncontrolled and I-don’t-like-it!”

Red flags: Despite having an estimated net worth of up to £100 million, Nadhim once claimed 31p for paperclips.

Steve, 50

Before edits via BBC

Steve has been promoted from behind the scenes as chief of staff to become the new health secretary.

“I didn’t realise I was going into Cabinet but I got a text last night and I packed my bags,” Steve said.

“My type on paper would be blonde, incompetent and dishonest. I don’t mind being humiliated on TV, I’m ready to seize all the opportunities that come my way.”

Red flags: Voted 47 times in favour of reducing welfare benefits. Voted in favour of raising tuition fees to £9,000 and then voted against spending public money to create jobs unemployed young people.

Michelle, 38

Finally, meet Michelle our new education secretary.

“Nobody has any idea who I am so I’m keen to make some sort of impact in the short time I’ll have in the limelight.

“I’m ready to turn heads. Loyalty isn’t important to me, I’ve got to think about myself in there and I’m ready to do anything I can to stay in Cabinet.”

Red flags: Noticeably absent when it comes to voting on same-sex marriage. Voted against legalising abortion legislation in Northern Ireland.

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Featured image before edits via I T S/Shutterstock, BBC and Wiktor Szymanowicz/Shutterstock