We tried the NGL anonymous questions app – because apparently it’s 2011 again

You’re joking, not another one!!

2 years ago | UPDATED 2 years ago

Honestly? I thought my year nine days were over. Saying goodbye to greasy hair, library lunches and people who rightfully bullied me (I mean come on, did you SEE me in school?) was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Which is why, when I saw anonymous apps make a not-at-all-anticipated comeback, my blood ran cold.

For the most part, they’re just cruel. I don’t think I need to be told (as a 24-year-old who pays bills) that I’m a “four at best” but you’d “shag my friends”.

But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the thrill of these apps. After all, how else is someone going to reveal their secret crush on me?

In the interests of science, I tried the new NGL app – a platform where anyone can go in and say whatever they like about you. Here’s how it went:

What is NGL?

Yall to old to be on NGL app talking to yourself. We know nobody not sending some y’all them messages 😂

— Brucie Stewart (@Papi_Gambino) June 24, 2022

First of all, we need to clear a few things up. NGL is an app mostly aimed at teenagers, according to Forbes. It was founded by a company called DeepMoji and is being marketed as a fun game for Instagram stories.

Apparently, 5 million people have downloaded it since November 2021 – and because it’s aimed at such a young audience – all the old cyberbullying worries tied to platforms like Ask.fm have resurfaced for the new generation.

Ultimately – and let’s be honest, here – these apps are toxic as hell and shouldn’t be a thing. This is how I fared when I tried NGL for myself:

Photo via NGL

As soon as I created my account, I was asked to customise and copy my own NGL link. Now, as I said before, I’m a woman in my mid-20s. My Instagram following is filled with people who pay mortgages and work in industries like software development – so it’d be more-than-slightly-quarter-life-crisis-y for me to post a glorified version of CuriousCat on my story. All I have to say is, thank Christ for Twitter.

After 30 minutes, I still hadn’t received any anonymous messages. Instead of pretending not to care, I genuinely found myself fixated on an empty mailbox, wondering what I did to deserve this cruel and unusual treatment.

Finally, after A WHOLE HOUR, I heard the first ping. “Surely if you remember Ask.fm,” it read. “You’re too old for this.”

Shit.

Photo via NGL

Messages came in thick and fast after that. “Who you tryna get with,” another asked. I assumed it was the guy in my DM requests who’d been asking to “pay me for nothing” every day for the last three months.

Once they began to die down, I realised how lucky I was to not be a teenager anymore. I’m sure kids are probably using platforms like this to send hateful messages and bully others – while I was getting asked about my favourite tube line and what I’d eaten for tea.

My overall verdict? I think people are right to be worried about this new anonymous app. I remember how much people got upset about them when I was in school, and all they do is cause unnecessary drama. It’s a 0/10 from me.