Listen up: Here’s a definitive guide to the biggest dating app icks of all time

Take notes, this is serious stuff

Dating app icks are very real – and if you use any of them you deserve to remain single forever. Picture this: It’s about halfway through cuffing season, couples are forming everywhere around you and you’re starting to get a little sick of the constant third wheeling on nights out. You look down at your phone. No notifications from Tinder – why aren’t people matching with you? Sound familiar? Probably x

If your dating app notifications are as dry as the Sahara Desert, it’s likely your Tinder, Bumble and Hinge game is abysmal. Read this comprehensive list of dating app icks and you’ll know exactly what to avoid – you’ll be PDA-ing in no time:

If every single pic is a group photo

First. Impressions. Matter. How are people supposed to tell which one you are??

Or even worse: they’re all just selfies of you pulling weird facial expressions

Get your friends to take pictures of you for your profile!!

If you have any pics holding a fish you’ve caught

Not really sure what you’re expecting people to reply to that, like “cool, big fish”, you see the problem?

I wish I was joking. @beam_me_up_softboi via Instagram

Posting your height

ESPECIALLY with a description that says something like “6ft1 in case that matters🤪”.

‘6’5 – that’s two separate measurements😉’

This is literally so gross and it’s not remotely funny. Immediate swipe left.

Telling everyone how much you can lift in the gym

No one really cares….

Clarifying who girls are in group photos

Just completely avoid putting “not my baby” or “she’s my mate not my gf”. Like, she’s obviously not, you wouldn’t be on here otherwise?

You know it’s bad when even Tinder is making fun of you. @tinder via Instagram

‘Not really active on here, add me on Insta’

You’re clearly active enough to be swiping on people, so you’re definitely active enough to spend two minutes replying to a message.

Trying to be all poetic and cool

You don’t sound educated, you sound like a bit of a dick.

Or alternatively, trying to sound cool by making something really obvious

“You’ll know I like you if… we match”. Wow look at you, showing Bumble who’s boss!

dating app, icks, tinder, hinge, bumble

Make it stop. @beam_me_up_softboi via Instagram

If your age says 22 and your bio says ‘actually 19 idk why it says that’

Everyone knows you made your profile at 16, just a bit embarrassing really.

Opening up with a cringe chat-up line, or a completely unfunny joke

Go in with a nice, normal message, like “hey! how are you?”

Asking for someone’s Snap within the first five minutes

You’re not being subtle, everyone knows what that means.

dating app, icks, tinder, hinge, bumble

Can’t say they’re not determined. @beam_me_up_softboi via Instagram

Immediately asking ‘so what are you looking for on here?’

Going straight into the girls chat x

Getting angry when people don’t reply immediately

They’re probably busy and also have lives.

Bombarding people with messages

They’ll get back to you when they can! No one wants to come back to five separate messages from the same person.

If you don’t match, finding them on Instagram and messaging them there

It’s creepy and you didn’t match for a reason x

These emojis: 🙈🙉🙊😂👀😈


Featured image background via Jené Stephaniuk/Unsplash, overlay messages via Instagram @beam_me_up_softboi and @tinder 

Related stories recommended by this writer: