Just a list of 16 disgusting festive foods that prove we’ve gone too far with Christmas
BAN THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY
The best part of Christmas is hands down the food – mince pies, advent calendars and unlimited roast potatoes. Every year the supermarkets, chain restaurants and cafés release a set of festive themed items. There’s the classic party food packs of spring rolls and cocktail sausages. And in chain cafes there’s always a turkey and stuffing sandwich, complete with cranberry sauce of course. They’re the traditional Christmas offerings everyone loves and always go back to.
However in the past few years there has been an increase in absolutely bizarre festive themed foods that have no place in anyone’s Christmas. They’re items that either make no sense with the Christmas theme or foods that take theme of Christmas too far, no one wants a chocolate orange themed mayo Heinz. The worst offenders every year have to M&S who this time around are doing beans on toast canapés. Yes really. Previously they’ve done a foot long pig in blanket. Whatever happened to simple potato skins?
The absurd Christmas foods have got to stop and this is every single chaos item that should have never been produced by manufacturers:
Chocolate Orange Mayo
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I love a Terry’s Chocolate Orange. It’s a staple of my Christmas diet and if my stocking doesn’t include one I’m rioting. However now companies are obsessed with making everything chocolate orange themed.
I can appreciate a chocolate orange themed hot chocolate, that makes sense, but to put it into mayonnaise is a crime against food. I don’t like mayo anyway (don’t judge, it’s vile) and to add the addition of chocolate orange seems abhorrent and someone at Heinz needs firing immediately.
M&S Posh Cheesy Beans on Toast
Party food may potentially be my favourite cuisine. Deep fried, full of cheese and plenty of dipping sauces. However one party food no one needs is beans on toast.
It’s a British staple but unlike other classics it cannot be turned into a canapé. A mini roast beef in Yorkshire pudding? Stunning. Tiny burgers? Cute. Miniature cheesy beans on toast? Absolutely not.
It’s messy and the only way beans on toast should be consumed is in its regular form. Also M&S are charging £5 per packet. That’s a crime.
M&S Beef Burger Spring Rolls
I would like to apologise to every single East Asian country for this atrocity. I know we’ve butchered many of your traditional foods but this is easily the most offensive case to date. I’m sorry.
M&S Chicken Nugget Dunk ‘Em Doughnuts
Feel sick just thinking about these.
M&S Percymas Pies
Right I’m sorry but this country’s obsession with Percy Pig has gone too far. Pyjamas, sauce, cuddly toys and now M&S has put him into a sweet pie?
They’re kinda similar to a Bakewell tart except the only comparison is they both have pastry. They look like sweetness overload and I shall be avoiding them at all costs.
M&S Marmite Brussels Sprouts
Why have one divisive food when you can have two? That’s what M&S have done by combining brussels sprouts with Marmite flavouring.
You will quite literally hate them or love them. I shall be firmly in the hate them camp.
Tesco Finest Mini Buttermilk Pancakes And Maple Bacon
Again why do supermarkets feel the need to make ridiculous complicated party food? Sausage rolls and prawn toast will always be good enough to soak up the party prosecco.
No one needs a mini breakfast canapé whilst trying to avoid that aunt they hate.
Iceland Filled Yorkshire Pudding
Yorkshire puddings are one of the only good reasons you can be proud to be British, so why on earth did Iceland think it appropriate to fill it not only with pigs in blankets but mac and cheese as well?
It looks like a claggy, soppy mess. Can someone contact Gordon Ramsay to sort this out because I am not ok.
Aldi Espresso Martini Cheese
Look I love an espresso martini but as a drink. Coffee liqueur and vodka do not belong anywhere near cheese.
Sainsbury’s Southern Fried Chicken Waffles
Chicken and waffles are an American classic. In the normal dish you get your waffles and then fried chicken placed on top, but Sainsbury’s has created a party food that combines both in one. And the result is not pretty.
Chicken mushed into a waffle shape? Yeah not for me thanks.
Sainsbury’s Bolognese Bites
If you’re buying these, don’t invite any Italians to your party because this is a sure fire way to insult them.
These bites are macaroni pasta and a bolognese sauce coated in breadcrumbs, it’s no wonder the rest of Europe hates us.
Sainsbury’s Chicken Churros
Are they on a mission to offend every European country this festive season?
Sainsbury’s Sage & Onion Stuffing Flavoured Mayo
As someone who is mayo averse, this makes me very uncomfortable.
Costa Bacon Mac And Cheese Toastie
What is the obsession with putting macaroni in everything this year? Sure a mac and cheese is good once in a while but there is no point putting it in a toastie. Surely it just dries out and you’re left with a claggy toastie?
Starbucks Chocolate & Orange S’mores Toastie
Another example of when to calm down with the chocolate and orange theme is this toastie.
It features marshmallows, chocolate orange sauce and chocolate chunks sandwiched between two slices of fruit loaf. If that doesn’t sound like a trip to the dentist I don’t know what does.
Toby Carvery’s Footlong Pig
Quite simply, no.