These are the 11 boys you’re guaranteed to sleep with during Freshers
It’s gonna be a busy week
Freshers is the time for meeting new people, exploring a new city and if we’re being honest shagging a bunch of strangers you’re going to spend the next three years awkwardly saying hi to and avoiding in a club.
Everyone has their type but when it comes to those first few weeks of uni everyone seems to shag at least one of the following 11 guys. There’s just something about new energy, making effort with the flats downstairs and going out every night which means we all sleep with a guaranteed set of people – our flatmate or a third year sports guy or that guy who ditched his girlfriend back home only to cry after you have sex.
These are the 11 guys you are most likely to sleep with during Freshers:
Try your best to avoid it but it’s gonna happen, probably on the first night too. A game of Ring of Fire gets out of hand and suddenly you find yourself snogging Josh on the sofa.
You’ll go on the night out with everyone together but your heart is not in it and you both leave early to go shag in your room, which is coincidentally next door to his.
One of three things will then happen. You’ll pretend it never happened and live in awkwardness for the rest of the year. You’ve found yourself a guaranteed fuck buddy that lives less than a few metres away. Or and this is easily the worst, you’ll get attached, he’ll move on and you’ll have to listen to him sleeping with that girl from his seminar for the next few months.
The third year sports guy
Rugby, football, rowing. It really doesn’t matter. The point is he’s fit and in third year. He can throw you over his shoulder, pin you to the wall and last for hours.
However he will not remember your name and will order you an Uber as soon as he’s finished. You will cry for two days.
Two years ago this guy wouldn’t have existed and now he’s the BNOC of your uni.
He’s not actually that funny or talented but he got one viral TikTok and now his videos have millions of views and he’s got a few deals on the go – he’s basically a celebrity.
The next morning you’ll wake up to discover you’re in the back of his latest TikTok. You’ll be a mini BNOC for the next few days and it will be the best week of your life.
Look we’ve all been there. It’s your first time picking up in your new uni city, you’re slightly tipsy and he’s there giving you ket. What’s a girl to do?
Your course mate
He’s already done the required reading AND he actually has opinions about the world AND he knows how to use his hands. They don’t make boys like this at home.
You think you’re in love and can really see a future with him, until you see him discussing rhyming couplets with another girl.
Medical students really achieved a whole new level of arrogance during the pandemic. Despite the majority of them never setting foot into a hospital they swagger around the house party thinking they’re national heroes.
And the sad thing is you’ll believe them because you’ve had five tequila shots in a row. The sex is pretty good – they know their anatomy after all – but don’t think about getting a text back the next day. They’re too busy saving lives aka sleeping with someone new.
The guy who ditched his girlfriend before he came to uni
The minute his UCAS application status turned to “confirmed” it was time for him to break up with his girlfriend he’s been with since year 10 . He’s on a mission to get with as many girls as possible and you just happen to be one of them.
He talks a big game but when you go back together he will last precisely two minutes and start crying about how much he misses Beth. Grab your clothes and go, they’ll be back together by Reading week.
The one you never see again
Did you really sleep together? Were they actually a student? It was probably the best sex of your life and yet they left before you woke up.
You’ll never see them again and yet every club night you have the tiny glimmer of hope you’ll run into them.
Straight out of Eton he hasn’t has his roadie makeover yet. He’s still rocking up to the club in red chinos and gilet, complete with siggie ring of course.
His way to chat you up will involve bragging about his four homes around the globe and how he’s already got his year in industry sorted out thanks to his dad’s mates in the City.
You’ll go back to his halls because naturally it’s the boujiest at the uni. The shagging will be average and surprisingly a bit rough. Two months later he’ll pretend not to recognise you now he’s a certified roadman in his new Adidas jumper which he thinks makes him look hard. Still got the siggie ring tho.
You’ll hear him before you see him, ranting in the smoking area about how we just don’t “know” what’s in the vaccine, before he proceeds to do a line of something a stranger has offered him. Because that makes perfect sense.
Despite knowing he’s talking absolute trash, there’s just something about the anti establishment attitude that does it for you. Or maybe it’s how good he is at using his tongue. Yeah it’s definitely that.
The one who wants a relationship straight away
Look I know we bonded over our love of Sex Education in the smoking area, and yes you lasted more than a few minutes, but that does not mean we are soulmates.
This guy definitely grew up believing the myth you meet your future partner at university and after that first night of sex he’s decided that’s you. He’ll stay in your room until 3pm despite your many hints you’ve got stuff to do. He’ll take your number, add you on Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat.
He will tell anyone who will listen you’re in love and meant to be. You will have to let him down gently and remind him with the reality that this is the first term of uni and you did not move out of your parents’ house and shell out £9,000 to be wifed off in the first week.