Every The Saturdays single, ranked definitively from worst to best
Forever will never be over as far as I’m concerned
Right. I won’t mince my words. I think The Saturdays are a shite girlband. Spice Girls put all female groups back on the map, making pop music cool again with their individuality and statement branding. Girls Aloud pushed British pop into exciting new directions and backed it up by being five iconic, northern women who were fun personalities in their own right. Sugababes crafted critically acclaimed music with immaculate harmonies. Little Mix are four of the best singers to ever be in girl groups. And The Saturdays? What do The Saturdays do successfully? Well, release 18 mostly-excellent-if-quite-vapid pop singles tbh, and I’m going to get The Saturdays output ranked for your reading pleasure.
Not one member of The Saturdays is iconic, but their bangers hold up. Even though they will be remembered most fondly for Mollie’s lisp and the fact that people used to go in hairdressers with pictures of Frankie Bridge’s haircut and say “make me this”, here’s all singles by The Saturdays ranked from worst to best.
Honestly, having to listen to Gentleman is my Joker origin story. Whilst I applaud the audacious, fellatio-in-the-UK-charts lyric that is “most guys just hit it then quit it, then wonder why most girls just spit it”, this song is an endurance task. The titular gentlemen that The Saturdays want? In order: Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson, Barack Obama, “Jonas Brother”, Denzel Washington, Kellan Lutz, Channing Tatum, Drake, Ludicris, Lil Wayne, Kanye West, George Clooney, Lamar Odom and… Larry King.
17. What Are You Waiting For
What Are You Waiting For sounds like a fake pop song from a film. It’s really ugly for most of its runtime, apart from when we get to the chorus which is actually quite good in that vile 2014 era of music way. The verses are like pulling teeth, and the only thing this song had any of us waiting for was The Saturdays to split up as quickly as possible.
That cursed picture of national nemesis Mollie King on the video thumbnail tells you everything you need to know about this song. Their only acoustic single and we thank god for small mercies. If you think this is a good song you are looking back nostalgically and need to have a rethink!
15. Just Can’t Get Enough
Unlike covers done by Girls Aloud, The Saturdays’ big cover is actually a bit of a banger. Nice little harmless charity single that I will bop my head to on the off chance I decide to listen to it.
14. Missing You
Frankie Bridge is honest to god one of the worst singers in British pop history, so I’m all for the audacious decision to have a robot replace her and sing the entire first verse of Missing You. This is such a funny song to me. Kind of partial to it, but the production of the chorus is so terrible and of its time that in 2021 it sounds like a parody song.
13. My Heart Takes Over
This is the highest ranked of what could be described as a ballad in The Saturdays singles discog, which says a lot about how what these girls do well isn’t anything that contains emotion. The Saturdays exist as empty vessels for big electropop bangers, but this is actually a fairly decent attempt at a sort of pseudo-electro ballad. If you listen to it in the right mood, it’s kind of brilliant. Listen to it in the wrong mood and you hope that the wind in the music video picks up speed and blows them all away permanently.
Buckle up, girlies, because the ranked The Saturdays singles are finally getting good. Despite Mollie King haunting the opening, Notorious slaps us right in the tits with that thumping bassline that spawned the infamous choreography chest pump, then dives right in with a Rochelle and Vanessa verse. A very good way to open a pop song. The rest of it sounds like a semi-decent Girls Aloud song, and if I were The Saturdays I’d take that.
11. If This Is Love
Their first ever single, and it’s pretty good to be fair to them. It was the peak time of the era where their stylists decided the best thing for The Saturdays was if they were forced to wear distinct colours at all times. The music video is comedy gold. You’ve never seen five girls with less chemistry. But the song’s a banger and Vanessa gets to show off instantly that she’s a vocal force to be reckoned with.
More famous for Mollie King’s iconically bad completely off key intro on its first ever live performance on Saturday Night Takeaway than it is being a good song. But it deserves more, because Work is actually a bit of a rammer. It would have been a great Kelly Rowland song. It would have been good as an exclusively Una and Vanessa song. With a hint of Rochelle.
9. Forever Is Over
Here we go. That chorus! Soaring. We are ascending on this one. Everyone does a really good job despite a stupid music video where we watch them all just sort of lounge around in a gentrified industrial apartment. Vanessa’s vocals are untouchable. Pop perfection really boots in when we get to Una’s guitar riffed, “I’m on the other sigh-ide” middle eight. Bit of a classic.
8. 30 Days
One of the most effortlessly cool songs The Saturdays ever did. It could have been a big Britney Spears single, and it’s aged excellently. Love the way the verses stir up to the drama of the chorus and when the big dance tune production kicks in you’re practically salivating for it. Could have done without the Ed’s Easy Diner music video but you win some, you lose some.
7. What About Us
Sean de Paul! Alongside de Saturdays! This is the girls only ever UK number one, and you know what? Deserved it. It deserved it for the pop brilliance of Una Healy singing “let me take the lead” as she takes vocal lead. Songwriters take note of that excellence and camp flair and apply it to 2021 pop music immediately. Thank you.
“Hey Flo Rida! Frankie! Mollie! Una, Vanessa, Rochelle! What you doing Saturday girl?” That’s how you open a pop single, people! Higher is pretty euphoric from all involved. The chorus is absolutely phenomenal and begs to be shouted at the top of your lungs until you’re gasping for breath. The lyric Rochelle sings about finishing herself and not needing anybody else because she’s going to do it right is so obviously about having a wank and I love it.
5. Disco Love
This is the most underrated of all the ranked The Saturdays singles. Bar none. It’s arguably the best written single in their discography, with all the little music references being perfectly woven in. The best of course being the absolute poetry that is “it’s never winter when it’s Donna Summer all year long.” It’s a travesty that that line alone didn’t get Disco Love a Brit award. Chorus is completely jubilant and carefree and it’s just an incredible song. I would die for it.
4. Not Giving Up
Wow. Wow. Wow. This is pop music, people! This is what we subscribe to Spotify every month for! Their second last single before that mess release from their Greatest Hits, and listen to just how bloody good it is. The chorus feels like it’s on speed. In the best way. And as much as it pains me to say this, Mollie King’s second verse is actually sublime and is by far the best thing she’s ever contributed to the group. Stunning stuff.
This video looks like it was made by a 15 year old in GCSE media studies, but that aside, it’s one of the best girl group songs ever made. It has it all. Dramatics. Big chorus. Ugly tights. The sensual vocal stylings of Una Healy and Vanessa White. The best bit of Up is where for the middle eight they just sing the chorus with a slightly more paired back instrumental before it crescendos and Vanessa wails at the top of her lungs. Heaven.
2. All Fired Up
One of only a few collaborations between The Saturdays and Girls Aloud / Sugababes heavyweight production duo Xenomania (and also getting an MNEK cowrite credit), All Fired Up is honestly British pop at its very best. Exciting, thrilling and like a volt of electricity to your veins. Probably their biggest dance song, and one that is a mainstay at every gay bar in the country. The simple, chant along chorus works perfectly with the sweaty verses. Frankie’s “feel so close to the edge of desire” is her greatest Saturdays contribution, haircut legacy aside. You haven’t known pleasure till you put your head to a speaker in a club as they sing that exact lyric.
Every single thing about Ego works to perfection. The cinematic opening, the superhero music video, the angry lyrics that all five of them sing with an absolute passionate fury. It never peaks too early. Every second of it feels a little bit better than the last one you just listened to. By the time we get to Vanessa’s middle eight, every listener of this song is soaring through the sky alongside the superhero Sats. The final chorus with Vanessa belting it out up the octave is singlehandedly The Saturdays legacy. Best thing they ever did. Incredible.