You can’t call yourself an ally if you post photos of you kissing your mates
If you’re just kissing for an Insta story or a TikTok trend, you’re part of the problem
Listen up straight girls: If you post pictures on social media of you kissing your girl mates, you cannot call yourself an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. Lesbians and women’s relationships are already fetishised – and if you post pictures on Instagram kissing your mates, you’re part of the problem and you literally have no excuse. There’s even a new TikTok “best friends in a room” trend, where two girls who are “besties” film themselves kissing.
The trend seems innocent – if you’re both down for it, kissing your mate is fine, right? But it’s actually queerbaiting, and incredibly damaging.
I don’t even need to tell you that girls who like girls are constantly sexualised. “Lesbian” is the most searched-for porn category; every other message on dating apps seems to be just couples looking for a threesome; and straight men call us “hot” simply because we like who we like. I hate to break it to you men, but kind of the whole point of being a gay woman is that we don’t like you – our sexuality doesn’t exist just to turn you on.
For some people, trying out kissing other girls, including their mates, is an important step in them realising their sexuality – I’m not saying you can’t explore and do this. But the issue is with straight people doing it performatively and looking for attention from doing it – such as choosing to post it on your Instagram story, or in a TikTok.
Exploring your sexuality is something that’s incredibly difficult and personal. I don’t know a single LGBTQ+ person who would have taken a picture of it and spread it around their social media accounts – let alone captioning it “two best friends kissing in a room” for a TikTok trend.
You’re not kissing your straight mate because you’re attracted to her and want to be with her in that way, and to pretend you are just completely disregards the genuine feelings that queer women have for other women. Not to mention, for a gay woman to post pictures kissing another girl on social media, that means she’s first had to go through the long, emotional and sometimes dangerous process of coming out to her friends and family.
The thing is, if you’re a straight girl taking pictures kissing another straight girl purely to put on Instagram or TikTok, you have absolutely no idea what it’s like to walk down the street holding a girl’s hand, scanning everyone you pass to check if you’re not safe and need to let go. When lesbians kiss in public, we get drinks thrown over us in clubs, asked to leave supermarkets, or assaulted on public transport. This is the reality we face.
We encounter harassment and homophobia every single day, and if you post pictures kissing your other straight girl mates, you’re knowingly choosing to ignore all this. And then how on earth can you say you’re an ally to the LGBTQ+ community? If you really supported us, you would take the time to listen and understand. So please, just stop.