It’s time to vote for the grimmest uni halls in the entire country

I can basically smell this list

Everyone’s halls is a bit grim. Unless you’re paying a million pounds for something with a concierge, it’s inevitable that you’ve got a 14th-hand mattress and some weird stains on the carpet. But some halls, impressively, stand out among the crowd.

They’re not just normal grim, they’ve carefully cultivated a reputation for being grim, grotty, grimy, gross, and just downright depressing.

Only one, however, can be crowned the country’s grimmest. Which is why it’s time for you, the public, to vote for your champion. Here are the contenders:

Maple Bank – Birmingham

Simply described as “gross”, Birmingham students know the face people make when you tell them you live in Maple Bank.

Rutland Hall – Nottingham

For some reason it’s got a tower and looks like the kind of place you’d have secret meetings to rig the village tombola. One former resident calls it “the most aesthetically unappealing hall in the country”.

Brunei House – Southampton

There are rumours that a Brunei House resident of yore froze his pet hamster after it died, just so the corpse would be in good enough nick for him to take it home and bury it over Christmas. Brunei House is a mentality.

Park Village – Sussex

Your halls might be bad, but it’s never had a prostitution ring operating out of it.

Courts – Lincoln

One of many halls in this list to be likened to a prison, latter-day residents of Lincoln’s Courts have reportedly taken to referring to themselves as the “Pablo Escobar of Lincoln”. The cringe purist’s choice.

Stranmillis – Queen’s, Belfast

There are many bad things to be said about this halls, but the fact that the catered food is “just like going to your nan’s for tea” isn’t one.

Hiatt Baker – Bristol

Sure, the rooms look like they haven’t been refurbished since the 60s, but that adds to the charm. It’s the shared, prison-like bathrooms you want to avoid.

Singer Hall – Coventry

Sweaty. The kitchens become ovens with the doors closed, so any big pres inevitably ends up like a sauna – except with sticky jeans instead of towels.

Bowland Annex – Lancaster

The cheapest halls on campus, Bowland Annex is hidden away. The name sounds like a dungeon, and nobody freely admits to living there. Nice.

Oak House – Manchester

There are green walls, there are tiny rooms, and there are prison-style bricks on the walls. But really, to top it off, Oak House residents have their room numbers printed on their doors in what can only be described as a prison font. Perhaps the country’s most carceral halls.

Senghennydd Halls – Cardiff

Speaking from personal experience, I once saw someone do a poo outside this halls at 1pm – broad daylight – and then walk straight back inside.

Ramsay – UCL

Yes, it had a glow-up two years ago, but you can’t refurbish memories away. Plus, Coldplay met here so it’s got a lot to answer for.

Ziggurats – UEA

If you tried to make the Ziggurats on the Sims, you’d fail. They’re so blocky it can only be achieved on Minecraft. Unique, yes, but not necessarily in a good way.

Whitefields – Warwick

Also known as Shitefields. Enough said.

Henry Price – Leeds

Not only is it ugly, but it looks onto a graveyard.

Lafrowda – Exeter

It looks like a 1980s prison block and that’s enough to make Exeter students miss the AGA.

Crewe Flats – Sheffield

“There’s something about the layout inside which is inherently depressing and hard to put a finger on,” one former resident says.

Now you’ve heard the contenders, it’s time to vote. Which is the country’s grimmest uni halls?

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