We asked a bunch of girls and a psychiatrist why men wearing chains is so damn sexy
When it dangles into your mouth during sex? Unbeatable
It’s April 2020. The country is in a national lockdown. Our very sense of normality is in turmoil. Life may never be the same again. But straight women of the world can only think about one thing: Connell from Normal People, and that sexy chain around his sexy neck. It’s well established now that there really is something about boys wearing chains. Ask any straight girl in your girls group chat and 90 per cent of them will agree that wearing a chain somehow makes a regular boy so much fitter. The ones who don’t agree should be removed from the chat. And that’s just for regular boys. But an already fit boy? Stop. Don’t. I can’t – I need to sit down. Is there any water? Why’s it so hot in here?
It is, simply, a cultural staple at this point. Cool boys wear chains. Well dressed boys wear chains. Iconic hotties in films and TV shows are always sporting chains. Cook from Skins, Connell from Normal People, Harry Styles, Timothee Chalamet, ASAP Rocky, the list goes on. It just seems like any fit boy automatically dons one of those lil’ silver stringy babies and God it’s just? So hot? Not to mention the undeniable appeal of having sex with a boy and having his chain dangle on your face and into your mouth. It should irritate you but instead you wanna suck on that metal like it’s the elixir of life or something. Mmmmm. Rust has never tasted so good.
Weirdly, so far no one else has documented the raw power of fit men wearing chains, or tried to explain it. Not even Vice. But it’s something I just need an answer to, as my chain obsession only grows with each 30 minute episode of Normal People. I contacted doctor in sexual wellness and psychiatry, Dr Elle Vooght, to seek an answer to my desperate plea: Why do we love men who wear chains so much?
Dr Vooght told The Tab: “There is something inherently classical about the chain. In fact, humans have been using them as an adornment for thousands of years. Traditionally the chain has been associated with status, as it’s an outward demonstration of both wealth and achievement. By attaching yourself to a “powerful” mate, you should be set for life with someone who can provide for you.”
I appreciate the validation that it is an evolutionary based attraction: going after boys with chains is just survival of the fittest (literally). However, the ‘status’ kinda chain seems to imply a pretty heavy beasty, like a rappers chain or something that might be adorned with a diamond encrusted dollar sign. What about our boys Connell and Cook, who sport much thinner chains? Is it just a bad boy thing? “Occasionally, especially in popular culture, these chains are equated with edgier members of our society. This could tap into those of us who have the preconceptions that true love is something we need to work hard for. We can crave someone who will make you ‘the exception’ to their known behaviour patterns, validating our role within society on a deeply personal level”, Dr Vooght told The Tab. Ah, so it is a bad boy thing.
Even after all this psychological explanation, I still didn’t feel satiated, so I asked the best people I could: girls that love boys wearing chains. Bean, a chain lover, told me: “Boys who don’t wear chains say it’s because they ‘don’t like wearing jewellery’ or they ‘can’t pull it off’. What does this prove? That boys who wear chains have the balls and the style insight to wear something a lot of guys don’t have the nerve to try. All the fit, cool men in the movies wear them which means if you truly believe you are fit and cool, you should be wearing one.” This is also backed up by the appearance of ‘wearing a chain’ in an article for men entitled ‘How to appear more stylish than you actually are‘. However, this article also recommends wearing beaded bracelets and ‘tastefully’ ripped jeans so is probably not to be trusted.
Evie, another chain stan, told The Tab: “It’s quite nice to sort of see a silver/gold chain peeking out from underneath a shirt. I think maybe it appeals to me in the same way that guys in earrings do? It has to be quite thin though. One of my exes kept getting a progressively fatter chain and it drew a lethal dose of attention to his weird giraffe neck, which feels horrible to say, but he’s a monumental dickwad with awful taste, so I don’t really care.”
Well there you have it ladies. The question has been answered. And the answer is: Thin chains are a bad boy sexy status symbol. I mean it’s nothing I didn’t already know, but my weary brain can rest nonetheless. Let’s just hope that by the time we get out of lockdown every boy and their dad is sporting a lil’ silver necklace. We can only dream.