How to deal with being ghosted: The 101 Guide
We’ve all been there
Being ghosted is never ever fun. And the worst part? You have no idea what just happened. It usually goes like this: You start seeing someone new and it all seems to be going really well, almost too well. They promise you the entire world, you have the most amazing connection, all the positive signs are there and then BAM, you never hear from them again.
Ghosting is incredibly painful because you get a taste of something good and then it's cruelly taken away from you without any explanation. And most of the time, you're not trying to get over the person who did this to you, but their betrayal.
Whether you're being ghosted after a few dates or after seeing someone for a few months, it's never a nice place to find yourself in. You'll probably feel angry, confused and like you've done something wrong. You'll start questioning all the things they told you and the memories you made in the short amount of time of knowing your ghoster.
But let me drill this into your head now: Whether you've been gradually ghosted or suddenly ghosted, most of the time it's never you! You just happened to get involved with someone so emotionally immature, they couldn't be honest with you. That's it.
But how do you deal with being ghosted? This guide will tell you exactly what to text after being ghosted and how to get over being ghosted:
Firstly, decide how you're going to handle the ghosting
Before you decide how you're going to react, you need to understand that the intense sadness you may be feeling isn't to do with losing the person or the relationship, but the sudden interruption, the loss of your hopes and dreams and probably the small damage to your self esteem.
You probably also feel a sense of shame and embarrassment because you thought someone liked you as much as you liked them, but then they suddenly cut contact with you with no prior warning. Your brain will do everything to try and make you go back to feeling good.
So you have to ask yourself, will trying to hear from this person actually make you feel better at this point? Do you actually need "closure?" Because hearing from them may actually end up making you feel worse and end up damaging your self-esteem even further. It might be easier to view them as rude, immature and commitment-phobic to give your self-esteem a chance to recover and move on. Also, don't start second-guessing yourself and thinking it was your fault for misreading the signs. Blaming yourself will just prolong the pain.
What to text when they're gradually ghosting you/ phasing you out
If you decide to text the person ghosting you to have the final word or to ask them what happened, here are some example texts you should follow.
"Hey x! I haven't hear from you in a while, I am getting the vibe that you're not interested in this anymore, please just be up-front with me as I'd rather know where I stand."
"Hey, is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a while and thought we had a really good connection. If you don't feel the same, just say! Everyone is allowed to change their mind."
"I don't want to assume anything here, but I haven't heard from you in ages. Are you ok? Do be up front if you've lost interest."
What to text if you got flat out ghosted
"Hey, I haven't heard from you in a long while, so I am going to assume this isn't going any further. I wish you were just honest with me about your feelings as it's really rude to leave someone hanging."
How to get over being ghosted
Step 1: Accept your feelings and allow yourself to hurt
Let yourself have a cry. It's gonna suck for a little while. You may have just told all your friends about how excited you were over this person. You may feel ashamed and embarrassed at how you behaved with this person the last time you saw them. But remember, the way they handled this situation says way more about them than it does about you.
Step 2: Be gentle with yourself and have some sympathy for your emotions
Whatever you're feeling is a normal response to a shitty situation. It would be more worrying if this situation didn't affect you in a negative way.
Step 3: Talk to someone about it (friends, family, therapist, anyone)
Your feelings deserve validation, talking to people will help you divert any negative brain patterns and harmful thoughts.
Step 4: Make sure you're sleeping, eating well, practising mindfulness and exercising
Good physical health helps maintain good mental health. Meditate, do yoga and practice mindfulness. Basically do anything that makes you feel good and reminds you that you're perfectly capable of looking after yourself.
Step 5: Have some compassion for the other person if your mind will allow it
Look, it's not something you have to do, but it may help if you feel a little sorry for the person who's done this to you. After all, they've just missed out on someone great. And you must be in quite a horrible and emotionally confusing place if you think it's acceptable to string someone along and completely ghost them. Wish your ghoster luck, because most likely, they're the ones with the issues and not you.
Step 6: Don't be scared to go back out there, soon enough you'll completely forget the ghoster
It's easy to get scarred by one horrible experience, but after allowing yourself time to grieve and move through your emotions, get back out there and date other people (if you want to!)