There are nine types of uni girl energy, so which one are you?

Some people believe in God and some people believe in horoscopes. Some people believe the human race has only 12 years left to live. But none of that matters because I’m about to introduce a concept so accurate, it will answer all of life’s biggest questions. Hear me out.

Every person carries a certain type of energy. Energy can’t be created nor destroyed, it’s just something you’re born with. It’s a vibe you exude throughout your entire life. You can’t just get a new wardrobe or chop off all your hair to try change it, it’s just who you are. It’s how your friends will remember you. It’s what they would write on your tombstone if they could. “R.I.P. Diyora, your sad girl energy will stay with us forever.”

Knowing your energy reveals a lot of truths you’ve always wanted to know about yourself. Finally you’ll know how fun you actually are. You’ll know what you bring to the table. What you bring to the room, to the party and to the after-party. Understanding your energy can essentially foretell your destiny.

Look away now if you don’t want to know your fate. Because amongst this list, lies a perfect description of you:

Pukka Pad energy

Do you remember the girl who went out once during Freshers’, got really drunk because she didn’t know her limits, was violently sick over everyone and vowed to never go out again? That’s her.

Always equipped with a 200 page pink Pukka Pad in her hand and ready to drive to uni at 8am, or more likely get the bus, just to get the best seat in the library. Will prance around in her Chelsea boots and a statement necklace she bought at New Look years ago. Her single focus for the next three years will be getting a First Class degree. Nothing else. And no fun shall be had in the meantime. Her voice often does that thing where it goes up at the end of every sentence. Makes others feel inadequate and guilty for not working hard enough.

But none of that matters, because give it a few years and she’s going to be the CEO of a start-up, earning triple everyone else’s salary. And those who called her a loser for not going out will be begging for a LinkedIn connection.

How to recognise if this is you: If you’ve ever said the following:”I came to uni to actually get a degree.”

Dom Perignon energy

Has at least one friend called Poppy and knows someone called Monty. Already had a group of girl mates when she came to uni. Will spend one term pretending to be normal and then will just give up. Most likely studies PPE or Law and enjoys BIG dinner parties. And when she graduates, will ditch everyone she met at uni.

Will never make effort to branch outside her immediate circle of friends. Plays first team Lacrosse. Did “drama” for a bit. Goes on epic holidays to Hong Kong, Cannes in the south of France and LA. Every year. Never looks dirty in her travelling pics. Can’t relate to overdraft or student loan jokes because she’s never needed to have one. Her mum will arrange an organic box of fruit and vegetables to be delivered to her uni house every week. She’s always doing some kind of a fad diet. One week it will be gluten free and the next it’s paleo.

How to recognise if this is you: If you call your male friends by their last name.

Fiat 500 energy

You don’t need to own a Fiat 500 to have Fiat 500 energy. All you need is an Urban Decay Naked palette, some fake tan and a fuckboy to always complain about to your flatmates. Basically, imagine Georgia Steel from Love Island, but instead it’s you, doing a Psychology degree at Southampton University.

The girl with Fiat 500 energy prides herself on being a loyal friend, when deep down she’d cancel any pre-existing plans to meet that boy from Tinder. She’ll go on “exotic” holidays to Budapest with friends and think no one notices when using the Kylie Jenner face filter on her Insta story. They do. She’s mostly apolitical and mostly ignorant, and she’s very big on Twitter.

Loves mainstream nights, and always look amazing in a tight bodycon dress and basic Adidas trainers. But it’s inevitable that a few hours later, she’ll be crying into a kebab.

Do you caption everything with “this one”? Are you a sucker for home comforts? Do you absolutely love doing boomerangs of drinks clinking? If you answered yes to any of the above, this is you my friend.

How to recognise if this is you: When you think the eyelash places at uni just aren’t the same as the ones at home.

Smashed screen energy

Nothing ever goes to plan for she who has smashed screen energy. She has Santander on speed dial for when she loses her debit card yet again. In fact, she loses everything. Her keys, her ID, and all of her essays because she never saves files as she’s writing them. Her computer crashes a lot, probably from the water damage, but mostly bad luck.

Yet somehow, she pulls it all off. Her hooped earrings and red lipstick give the illusion that everything is fine. She never has time to wash her hair, which is why she owns a life time supply of Batiste dry shampoo and yep, she’s definitely wearing last night’s make-up. Will often rock up late to an English Literature lecture in an over-worn leather jacket, making a racket and apologising profusely to the lecturer.

But once in a blue moon, she’ll catch up with all her losses, run herself a bath and listen to Drake’s ‘Take Care’ and feel hard done by the world. Sure, she’s run out of people to swipe on Tinder multiple times, but will never run out of perseverance to keep going.

How to recognise if this is you: If your phone is always on four per cent and the local phone screen fixers call you by your first name.

Echo Falls energy

Can down an entire bottle of Echo Falls during pres and still make it to the club alive. She’s not a mess, it’s just the way her sports club conditioned her to be. She’s a bit of a BNOC. Maybe it’s because she’s kissed more rugby boys than she can remember or maybe it’s because she’s actually a bit of a sporting legend. Definitely been to A&E at least twice during her uni career and rocked up to a club with a black eye.

Drives a Cleo, which has all her shit in the back. Studies a science or Geography. Wears Topshop jeans ripped at the knee with the her sports club jumper. Will live and die for the stash. Probably accidentally participated in a few chav socials in her time, without realising how bad they actually were.

How to recognise if this is you: Your cheeks are always ruddy from being outside all the time and your alcohol intolerance starts at six pints.

Depop energy

“I’m really into techno”, she’ll say, without being able to name a single techno artist. Her uniform includes tiny sunglasses, a bucket hat, a fluffy jacket, flares and a pair of chunky trainers. And there’s always an endless supply of ket, which seems to spawn from her tiny boob tube. If there’s one person bound to have Burberry print everything, it’s her. She barely wears any make up and instead just covers everything up with glitter.

Meet Theola. She studies History of Art. She’s at every festival, every party and every event, supporting her Ralphie roadboy mates trying to make it as a DJ. Her voice is perpetually croaky, because she had a big one last night. Her entire life is one big party because she doesn’t worry about her future. Her parents will sort her something out anyway.

How to recognise if this is you: You care more about your artsy Insta aesthetic than your essay grades.

Sad girl energy

She either looks dishevelled in a dressing gown or like she spent three hours getting ready for a night out. Doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life, just gently floating along with everyone else. The Live Laugh Love of the group.

Watching TV shows like The Chase, Tipping Point and Come Dine With Me is genuinely the biggest highlight of her day. Doesn’t move much, which is why she sends all her friends Moonpig cards instead of just buying them one from the shops. Her nails are never done properly, mostly chipped from constant biting.

If a romantic interest texts her (rare), will analyse every single word with her entire house. Also has to get group-wide approval before posting on Insta. Might be a bit sad, but her heart is pure.

How to recognise if this is you: If you’ve ever eaten Dr Oetker’s pizza for an entire week straight.

Cath Kidson energy

The mum of the group has Cath Kidson energy because she single-handedly keeps Cath Kidson in business. You can expect her to make you a cup of tea after you had a long day. She’s the one who has lip balm in her Longchamp bag on a night out. She’ll give you lifts to and from uni.

Caring in nature, she’s always looking out for others. Her room has fairy lights make it cosy and the box of Maltesers on her bedside table is extremely comforting. Probably bulk bought the Natural Sinnlig Sweet Vanilla IKEA candles at the beginning of the year to make her room smell nice at all times.

How to recognise if this is you: If you still go to concerts and listen to bands like Coldplay and Bastille.

Vegan girl energy

Always tanned, lives in Birkenstock sandals. Carries five hundred tote bags around at all times. Thinks deodorant gives you cancer. Is really into yoga and will say “namaste” to people all the time, without realising it just means hello. Hates the corporate world, avoids “chemicals” and will always be sure to remind you about the dangers of fast fashion.

Her room is just an eclectic mix of things she found while she travelled around for a year. On one wall, there are the prayer flags she collected during her travels in India, above the bed is a mandala wall hanging. Attached to the window handle is a dream catcher and there are crystals scattered everywhere to unblock her chakras. Reads Tarot for fun and lives her life by what her horoscope says.

How to recognise if this is you: You have a go at everyone for eating meat whilst consuming copious amounts of cocaine.

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