Abolishing the monarchy and other irrelevant motions proposed for the NUS National Conference 2017

Bringing down the status quo, statement by statement

Usually, hundreds of left-wing students gathering in Brighton isn’t something worth noting. Next week will be different, though, as the NUS meet by the sea for their 2017 National Conference. Alongside the election of new officers, including the possible re-election of President Malia Bouattia, the conference will debate motions tackling hard-hitting student issues like mental health, student finance and rip-off rents.

Keenly aware of being taken too seriously for too long, however, there are a few proposals thrown in that stand out from the rest.

Here are some of the most ambitious, outlandish and esoteric.

Abolish the monarchy

As she celebrates her 91st birthday, there are several groups actively plotting the Queen’s downfall. In a motion submitted by Warwick Students’ Union, the NUS will decide whether they are one of those groups.

One of the main reasons in favour of the idea is that “in 1975 the Queen′s representative in Australia used royal powers to sack a left-wing Labour government.”

The motion also argues that the monarchy runs counter to dignity and democracy.

So how will the NUS be bringing down the monarchy? Scribbling out all the faces on fivers? Not quite – it turns out the revolution will start by issuing a statement calling for a republic.

Stop social media scams

Every year, seconds after A-Level results come out, millions of eager freshers-to-be set out upon a social media journey. Not content with a celebratory status, the middle finger to all those having to drudge through clearing whilst you clink prosecco with your relieved parents, you decide to join your university freshers’ Facebook group. After finding your new housemates and realising all you have in common is that you’re all from Surrey, it dawns that these pages are in fact run by promoters, eager to sell you tickets and hoover up your personal data.

If this motion passes, the NUS will be able to do what common sense has failed to achieve: protect freshers from their own naivety.

Protest against Trump to stop climate change

Instead of lobbying for carbon neutral campuses, the UCL Union have decided the best way the NUS can stop climate change is by nationalising energy companies and protesting against Donald Trump’s climate policies.

Strictly recycled placards and slogans

Get NUS discount for Chinese food

Saviour to impoverished students up and down the land, there are now suggestions that the fabled NUS Extra discount is inadequate.

Calling on the NUS to diversify the range of discounts on offer to include more Kosher and Halal offerings, the motion, submitted by Manchester Students’ Union, proposes that multi-chain Chinese restaurants are approached.

Although, rather than expand the card, some want to get rid of it entirely.

Scrap the physical NUS Extra card

Northumbria have proposed that the NUS card in its current form be abolished.

With the inconsistently-capitalised spectre of UNiDAYS threatening the NUS’ monopoly on student discounts, the need to modernise is clear.

In just three years the NUS Extra card could be a thing of the past, replaced by a digital offering. Don’t worry – the discount isn’t going anywhere.