Revealed: The maddest Freshers’ Weeks in the UK this year

Whichever one wins, Hodor will probably be DJing


There are certain things you expect during a British Freshers’ Week: B-list celebrity appearances, T-shirt-clad bar crawls, school uniform discos and, of course, wristbands.

Yet some universities go above and beyond the call of duty to deliver the most stereotypically freshers Fresher’s Week they can muster – and it’s time these institutions got the recognition they deserve.

Vote below for the maddest Freshers’ Week in the country this year. They’re counting on you.

Aberystwyth

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Aber’s Freshers’ Week reads like a checklist of the most fresher events in the world: a Silent Disco, a T Shirt Party, a UV Party and laser quest. What more could you want?

Event of the week

It’s going to be the Freshers’ Ball “with special guest” on Saturday, isn’t it. Odds on it being Frankie Cocozza?

Anglia Ruskin

Well there’s a foam party and a “Back 2 School” party, naturally. It all feels a bit unfair on the Chelmsford campus kids, who get significantly less events. Hey, at least their wristbands are a whole £15 cheaper.

Event of the week

Monday’s “Lock n Key party.” Don’t forget to pack your condoms, kids!

Bath

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The official Bath Freshers’ Week timetable is a Frankenstein’s monster of forced-fun buzzwords. There’s “Inflatables” on the Tuesday, “Magician” and “Rock metal” on the Wednesday and “Comedy improv workshops” on both the Thursday and Friday.

So far, so twee.

Event of the week

“Pizza & boardgames” – four days in a row.

Birmingham City

BCU’s Freshers’ Week is actually remarkably low-key. The closest it comes to full-on cringe is their dress-up-as-an-animal Zoo Party, and even then it doesn’t look too try-hard. Good for you, BCU.

Event of the week

The Opening Party, hosted by Dev from Radio 1. Or the Closing Party, hosted by Mistajam from Radio 1.

Bournemouth

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Bournemouth booked The Mountain from Game of Thrones for an appearance, but the link to the event now seems to suggest he’s been replaced by Pete from TOWIE. Which tells you all you need to know, really.

Event of the week

Is it the Where’s Wally vs Smurfs party? Is it?

Bristol

Bristol truly live up to their name as the edgiest kids on the block, even when it comes to Freshers’ events. Only here would the likes of the Cheeky Girls and Gaz from Geordie Shore be shunned in favour of Zed Bias and Oxide & Neutrino.

Event of the week

There probably is one, but the Bristol students won’t have heard of it.

Cardiff

A toga party, a superhero party, a Rio Carnival party and a Love Island Beach party? A showing of Despicable Me in the SU on the Thursday night? “Welsh Cake Making”? Cardiff, you spoil us.

Event of the week

That one has to go to Cardiff Met, for their “House Party” launch. With Fuse ODG. At Pryzm.

De Montfort

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Not too bad, actually: DMU have got Sigma along for their opening party and they’ve avoided all the tried-and-tested costume parties other unis do. Plus there’s a “Ghost Walk” around Leicester, which you can’t deny sounds fucking sick.

Event of the week

#FreshFest16, featuring CLEAN BANDIT (DJ set).

Edinburgh

Oh look, they’ve got Hodor for Game of Thrones DJing.

Event of the week

Hodor Hodor Hodor.

Falmouth

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We’re not too sure what’s normal in Penryn, but the fact that both the Heaven & Hell party and the Freshers’ Ball involve an 8:15pm pickup from Truro and a 2:15am bus back doesn’t bode very well.

Event of the week

The Pirate Party: “Listen all and listen well as we tell ye that wristband holders get priority and free entry before 10pm. Arrive after and you’ll have to queue with the rest of the scallywags.”

Glasgow

Where to begin – the “S***e Shirt Party” (asterisks their own), the “UV FOAM PARTY” (capitals their own), or the event on the Friday which is just called “CHEESY POP!” Hey, at least Hodor is playing here as well.

Event of the week

In true Freshers’ fashion, the week ends with a Scott Mills/Chris Stark double-DJ set combo and a celebratory pyjama party.

Hertfordshire

You’ll never guess who’s playing – it’s only One Direction! Oh wait, it’s “Only One Direction.

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Event of the week

The “Herts Hoedown”, your own little slice of the American Midwest in The Forum in Hatfield.

Hull

Although they haven’t released too much information yet, Hull Uni have given us a tantalising teaser of what’s in store for incoming freshers – including an “80s Roller Disco,” a “Beach Party” and a “Murder Mystery Evening.”

Which, all things considered, actually sound really fun.

Event of the week

“F-ck Me It’s Freshers” has to win, on account of the free popcorn and candy floss and “giant Jenga and Connect 4.” How old do they think these freshers are?

Liverpool John Moores 

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It’s surprising it took this long down the list to find them, but finally The Chuckle Brothers are hosting an event – this time for JMU freshers, at Walkabout, on the Sunday.

The lucky kids also get an appearance from TV’s other favourite cheeky chappies, Jamie Laing and Francis Boulle, as well as giant Scalextric, bubble football and crazy golf.

Event of the week

It’s got to be the city-wide Pokemon Go tour, hasn’t it?

Keele

To be honest, we’re pretty impressed that Keele managed to bag Professor Green, High Contrast and Mike Skinner, considering all three of them no doubt have absolutely no idea where it is.

Add to that a pretty innocent headphone disco, and their Freshers’ Week isn’t very tragic at all

Event of the week

Apart from the “Big Freshers’ Blowout” inflatables party, of course, which we’re promised involves: “Palm trees // Unicorns // Parrots // Boom boxes // Beach balls // Sharks // Sex dolls // Monkeys // Bananas // Killer Whale // The Sun // Giraffes // Ice Creams // Mermaids // Flowers.”

Leeds and Leeds Beckett

The city of Leeds lives up to all the stereotypes you’d expect with their Freshers’ Week lineup: namely that everyone is really fit and thinks they’re really cool.

Thus, you have Clubbercise on two separate nights, a craft beer festival, a vintage clothes “weigh and pay” fair and… wait, Hodor is DJing here too?

Event of the week

That goes to Beckett, for their Katsu Kurryoake with Wagamama. We don’t know what it is, but it sounds like they sold out to the man.

Lincoln

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If you’re going on their Freshers’ lineup, going to Lincoln is like stepping through a time portal into 2005. You’ve got an opening party with Greg James, a performance from Example, a gig with “Indie-Pop heroes” Scouting For Girls and DJ Set from Busted’s Matt Willis.

Event of the week

When you have to describe your own Quack Beach Party as “surreal, bizarre, slightly outrageous, hilarious and fun,” you know it’s probably none of the above.

Manchester and Man Met

In typical Manchester fashion, it’s more or less impossible to find out what’s happening in Manchester during Freshers’ – perhaps those in the know just know. What we can tell is that it starts with a Move In Party at Sankeys, and that it ends with a “Geeks & Freaks” party.

Event of the week

The terrifying sounding “Initiation” at Tiger Tiger, which includes “FIRE BREATHERS,” “ICE BLASTS” and “THE INFAMOUS DENTIST CHAIR.” Can’t we just go to the pub?

Newcastle

NUSU have gone really full-on this year, and they are going to make sure you have fun no matter what. There’s archery, lasertag, bowling, cocktail training, ice skating, paddleboarding, paintballing, quad biking, rock climbing and, we assume, no rest days.

Event of the week

“The Land Before Tyne,” where the Newcastle campus gets turned into a Jurassic Park replica for a huge party – including (but not limited to) dinosaurs, mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers and a steel-pan band.

Who are we kidding, this sounds like the best night of all time.

Northumbria

Why try and explain it, when this neat EDM video can do it for you?

Event of the week

Britain’s Got Talent 2016 Winner RICHARD JONES.

Nottingham and Nottingham Trent

It’s no secret that Trent are more hardcore than Uni, which makes it even more apt how each uni kick off their Freshers’ Week timetable: Trent with a “TRENT ARMY” bar crawl in face paint, camo and dogtags, Uni with a daytime Freshers’ Fair competition where “all you need to do is to hit a ball through a hoop.”

Event of the week

Literally pick anything from Nottingham Uni’s lacklustre lineup.

Oxford Brookes

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Kudos to Brookes for managing to provide the most dickish guests of any Freshers’ Week around the country, a real buffet of fuckboys including Terry from Love Island, MIC’s Alex Mytton and Lethal Bizzle.

Event of the week

“Fishy Fingers.” If we have to explain why, you’re part of the problem.

Royal Holloway

The RHUL welcome events are characteristically twee, with the likes of cupcake decorating, “Rainbow Raves” and a lovely-sounding visit to Windsor Farm Shop. Sign us up.

Event of the week

Probably “Fresher speedmating!” Sounds like a party.

Sheffield and Sheffield Hallam

On the North v Midlands v South bar crawl taking place on the Thursday, punters get to choose from a “Northern Nancy,” “Midlands Minger” or “Southern Softie” T-shirt, which should tell you a lot about the level of banter you can expect in Sheffield.

Event of the week

Judging by how excited they sound about it, “Mission: Vodka with GAZ from Geordie Shore!!”

St Andrews

A pretty standard Freshers’ Week, by all intents and purposes: you’ve got club nights, a capella performances, and an appearance from Hodor for good measure. Oh, and an opulent ball, because it wouldn’t be St Andrews without one.

Event of the week

An appearance from DJ Yella of N.W.A. fame, who “will be stopping in St Andrews to blow up your Thursday night with some of the most influential West Coast rap of all time,” much to the excitement of all the middle-class white boys who’ve bought tickets.

UEA

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This is UEA, so obviously Freshers’ Week is just an excuse to have five consecutive nights at the LCR and not feel ashamed about it. Sure, there’s a city takeover on the Thursday, but who cares about that when Bombay Bicycle Club are doing a DJ set in the Union the night after?

Event of the week

It has to be the UEA Ball – it’s got face painting, magicians AND balloon modellers.

York St John

“Selfie hunt;” “Harry Potter Day;” a Friday night devoted to an open mic session by the Radio Society. What fresh hell is this?

Event of the week

“£1 a pint and Disney Karaoke,” a seamless combination we didn’t know we needed until now.