What your choice of Falmouth night out says about you

That Club I stamp will damage your dignity


Whenever I’m back in Kent, people tend to ask me “what is the nightlife in Falmouth like?”. I struggle to answer that question. Do you mean: do I feel victimised after being in Club I? Or do you mean: is the garden party actually as good as it looks? I’m not the most avid clubber nor are my dancing skills exceptional. But I know how to make the effects of alcohol worthwhile in Falmouth.

Club I

If you’re atrocious enough to dance to Taylor Swift continuously then Club I sounds right up your street. Club International is that annoying friend that won’t leave you alone. You’ll have a few drinks, be happy and the mention of Club I seems like a good idea at the time. Or we just bear with it.

Why is there carpet?

I knew I had reached new heights when I first visited the club and noticed it had carpet flooring. Just imagine the number of spilled drinks, jeez. I also realised that the club had one of those punching machines. What kind of club provides a thing for pissheads to punch the shit out of? It’s a disaster waiting to happen, but great fun whilst it remains.

We all miss this place

There’s the infamous queue for Club I. Only the amateurs bother with it.

Although I’ve bashed Club I quite brutally, you’ll find that it is the place to be. My friend even said her mum used to go on nights out there. HER MUM! Sadly, everyone ends up at Club I which makes it bearable. Thank you friends, you’ve been great support.

The people who go to Club I are the ones who have it all together. They waste no time trying out other places because they know that they’re going to end up there.


Stannary events are the pinnacle of a Falmouth student’s nightlife. Kinda. I’ve had some of my best nights at the Stannary and my worst. If you haven’t come back to your flat, broken something, tried to fix it with honey and peed out the window, then this will be an experience for you. The Garden Party is fabulous but an absolute bitch to get tickets for. Freshers, I will always envy your ease of going to the Stannary.

Let the peeing out of windows commence! Or is that just me?

You’re most likely a first year student who will crawl out of bed just to go and dance. You are someone who likes to get absolutely wasted every weekend and good on you.


If drugs are your thing, go to Fives.

Everyone at Fives just looks insanely happy, I’ve always had a good night there, I can’t say anything

That is bad about it besides the size of it. You picked the short straw Fives, better luck next time.

You’re a chilled out person. Probably high off your face on mandy and dancing to house music in your room at 2pm.

House parties

Since turning 18, house parties just seem to happen less often. I understand that you’re now responsible for anything broken in your house now that you’re a student. But we want to have fun! Unfortunately, they’re not happening as much as I would like but when they do, oh boy!

There’s a theme for everything we do

House parties always end up as a pre drinks for Club I for some bizarre reason. But its the house party that is usually the best part of the night. Stop going to the only club in Falmouth and enjoy your own decent music surrounded by beer pong.

House parties are for the people who really want a good night out. Scrap going to Club I because its the same thing every week. The house parties here in Falmouth are always different except for beer pong and that should be at every house party. You’re the type of person to meet new people, always on the hunt for something to do. You’re probably one of the creative students just looking to put your mark somewhere else.


The Packet Station is always filled with a friendly face. Whether its the girl you slept with last week or in my case, the girl that I spent an hour with at the Stannary before she went off with another guy. Awkward.

Everyone loves a Wetherspoon’s. It’s cheap, surrounded by students and a fishbowl to yourself will have you thinking that the night is yours. You’ll find all the familiar faces and have a good conversation with that guy or girl you haven’t seen since last semester. The Packet Station is the place for you if you’re looking for good conversation and cheap drinks.

Prince of Wales

However if you like going to the pub to watch sport, you can find a nice environment in the Prince of Wales (the pub not the person) supplied with a nice pint of Bass. It’s so frickin’ good.

You really don’t care, do you? You’re just there to watch the football, surrounded by locals with a high tolerance for beer. You’re most likely a local because a students are never seen here.

When the bass hits you hard

Despite the variety of nightlife in Falmouth, you will always find yourself in Club I with a majority of the students here. Club I is just the place that you can’t avoid. Student night comes and it tends to be your main choice of venue.

The £3 isn’t that bad.

A small price to pay for a dog shite club. Best thing about it is that everyone goes there, we make do with what we have and thank fuck I’m mortal before I get in there.

R.I.P Mangos.