Cambridge University’s Top 10 Recent Camfessions

Camfess is Cambridge’s most notorious anonymous online confessions platform for students. It is a place where students share their innermost (turned outermost) secrets, gossip, and thoughts anonymously!

Camfess has become a hotbed for the sharing of both positive and negative discourse amongst Cambridge students. In light of recent increases in the number of negative posts on Camfess, I want to highlight some of the funniest camfessions.

As the beginning of Easter term is fast approaching, I invite you to take a look at the top 10 most hilarious camfessions posted in recent months (in my expert opinion):

Image credits: Abbie Short

Number 10:

#Camfession43781

Coming in at number 10, camfession 43781. This camfess is both passive aggressive and humorous. When I open camfess, this is the kind of petty confession that I hope to find. There is always that one menace in the kitchen that takes it too far. This subtle, but light-hearted, dig is top 10 camfession material!

Number 9:

#Camfession44521

To be a Cambridge student is to come up against some of the most unhinged interview and supervision questions known to man. But let it be known, I do think badgers would vote tory. I can’t explain why. It just makes sense.

Number 8:

#Camfession44321

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I think we have all been guilty of saying something like this during term time. Week 5 is rough. Weeks 1-8 are pretty tough too. If you don’t laugh about it, you may cry about it. So thank you to the person who gifted us camfession 44521.

Number 7:

#Camfession40703

To the person who posted this camfess, thank you. This is a top tier pick-up line and a top tier camfess. The witty word-play, along with the dry xoxo, brought a smile to this Englings face.

Number 6:

#Camfession41812

This camfess is both informative and funny. This is the value of camfess: to both impart wisdom and amuse others. To the guy who designed the ul – in the words of camfess 41812 poster – ‘serve on you phallic god’.

Number 5:

#Camfession41092

Whilst this is an over-used joke, made at the expense of the Girton community, I believe it is worthy of place number 5. Everything about this is spot on – from the diary entry style to the exploration of the ‘ethics of cannibalism’. This confession is subtly sarcastic, in the best way possible.

Number 4:

#Camfession44316

As an English student, I resonate with this camfess on a deep level. Whilst many Englings are lecture warriors, I am very much in the ‘I’m not coming’ camp. This snappy one-liner had me in stitches.

Number 3:

#Camfession41535

Whilst I am not Irish, I have to pay tribute to this exceptionally funny camfess. We all know someone who claims to be Irish despite having no real ties to Ireland whatsoever (outside of their great-grandmother’s cousin’s dog). Camfess 41535 is a masterpiece. Whilst jokes are cracked, this camfess is a satirical message to the ‘culture vulture[s]’ of Cambridge.

Number 2:

#Camfession44020

Firstly, yes. Yes, you should cut him off. Secondly, this is peak camfess. This candid confession about the trials and tribulations of relationships in Cambridge is priceless. Camfess 44020 captures the truly unhinged nature of existing in the Cambridge bubble. This is the kind of camfess that stays with you for a while.

Number 1:

#Camfession43921

Coming in at number 1, camfess 43921! Whilst living in dark and dingy accommodation feels like a rite of passage at university, this camfession is a humorous commentary on accommodation envy. The issue of accommodation envy, particularly at Cambridge University, is worsened by college rivalries and gaping disparities between the college’s respective accommodation.

As a Murray Edwards student, I can confirm that Tit Hall’s Wychfield accommodation is a glorious sight to behold. But as someone who is currently living in the trenches themselves, Wychfield also fills me with great bitterness. The close proximity between the hill colleges and Wychfield feels like a sadistic ploy to drive a wedge between us all.

So, to the person responsible for camfess 43921, thank you. Thank you for putting into words the experience of intercollegiate accommodation envy, using an iconic film-culture reference. To anyone who aligns themselves with ‘district 12’ in this instance, don’t let your mouldy room get you down. You are a hardy breed with the best vibes. To those who are living a life of luxury, you are the ‘capitol’ to my ‘district 12’, in the best and worst way possible.