Molly-Mae says we all have the same 24 hours in a day but how do York students spend theirs?
I bet she’s never had to risk hypothermia for the sake of the club
In the infamous podcast, Diary of a CEO, Molly-Mae faced backlash for saying we all have the same 24 hours in a day, with people branding her insensitive and privileged. But I can GUARANTEE that her typical day is drastically different from that of a hungover York student just trying to balance Salvos and seminars.
We can only imagine what Molly-Mae would think of how York students spend each crucial day. SPOILER: It starts a lot later than we would all care to admit and is a lot more hangover than hustle.
10am (Okay, maybe 11:15)
You jolt awake in a flustered panic. The room is hot. The light is bright and you have the Kuda stamp imprinted on your face. Have you missed a lecture? No wait, its fine. Your 9am was yesterday.
You lay in bed for another 30 minutes aimlessly scrolling through TikTok and thoroughly contemplating the pros and cons of attending your VERY EARLY 2pm seminar over on East. The pics from last night’s Kuda night emerge in the group chat and you have a little giggle to yourself in between subtle waves of nausea.
The hangover symptoms are definitely kicking in at this point so you finally scrape yourself out of bed and down a pint of water.
You head downstairs and meet with your housemates for the morning de brief. It’s still technically the morning so you consider it a successful start to the day. The stack of washing-up and empty vodka bottles mean nothing to you at this point as you blindly wander into the kitchen and flick the kettle on. There’s a new eco-system forming in the pans in the sink by this point. The stale smell of tequila turns your stomach ever so slightly but you power through like a true hero.
What follows is an intricate and completely necessary drawn out process as you all dissect everything that happened the night before. Who got with who, who dropped their chips in Salt and Pepper (RIP). There’s so much drama to unpack and you are LIVING for it.
With last night’s antics now well and truly analysed, you head upstairs and jump in the shower with the hope of resurrecting yourself. The water flashes hot and cold leaving you unable to romanticise your life and zone out whilst listening to music in the way that you would like. The joys of overpriced student housing.
You grab a quick bite to eat before you head out. Obviously you barely have any food in the house, despite only going food shopping two days ago. You feast on a weird concoction of a slice of toast, another coffee and some sort of squishy and potentially mouldy fruit (for health and wellbeing purposes of course).
Once again, you got distracted by your phone and are now running incredibly late for your seminar. You’d be lying if you said that the thought of skipping didn’t cross your mind but NO! You have paid over £9k for this degree and Molly-Mae would be VERY disappointed if she saw you wasting your hours.
You reluctantly leave the house and brave the elements for the sake of your education. A private car à la Molly-Mae would hit the spot right now but a fast paced and stress fuelled walk it is. At least you get to take in the lovely campus and breathe in all of that fresh air. Maybe you’ll even spot Long Boi on the way. Every cloud I suppose.
After constantly checking your watch for the whole journey you actually end up being 5 minutes early. Typical.
Seminar completed. Why is 2 hours SUCH a long time? You head over to the Morrell (or maybe Spring Lane if you feel like shaking things up a little) with the full intention of reading five books and watching all of your lectures for the term ahead. Of course this doesn’t happen and you instead end up having another DMC with your coursemates and stare into space for ages thinking about what you’re going to eat for dinner.
It’s been a really long and tiring day so you trudge home in the dark and you think about the night ahead. Molly-Mae would probably go for a night in with a peppermint tea, using her hours wisely. But you? Not so much.
Will you end up going to Wednesday Salvos? Do you have a shit shirt for tonight’s theme? Who knows?
You are exhausted, and still mildly hungover. After treating yourself to a huge mountain of pesto pasta topped with mounds of grated cheese (eaten out of the pan of course) you finally make the sensible decision to go out.
You frantically start messaging all of your mates making sure that everyone is ready for a massive midweek night out. You do only live once after all.
It’s time to start drinking (probably vodka and squash) because no way are you splashing the cash on shots in Salvos, you’re a grand into your overdraft after all.
The LEDs are on and you’re feeling good. Any regrets from this morning have been completely washed away by the excitement of yet another night out.
After preeing for way too long yet again, you arrive at the club much later than intended. Why are students always later for everything when we barely have anywhere to be?
The queue for Salvos is obviously massive but you join the end of it anyway and strike up a conversation with a lovely group of strangers in which you probably discuss how cold it is and swear to just stay in next week.
You get to the front of the queue and immediately hear Pitbull blaring out. What a classic x
You and the girlies walk home from the club, cheesy chips and gravy in hand. It is freezing cold and the birds are already tweeting but it was well worth it for the mems.
No one even dares utter the word “afters” but you know you will go home and have a cup of tea before bed anyway. How very Molly-Mae of you.
The cup of tea takes longer to drink than expected because you’re all so chatty and annoying. You finally crawl into bed and fall asleep within minutes due to the sheer exhaustion of fully making the most of your 24 hours.