There is more to Oxford than just a university

We’re not as classy as we’re made out to be

Oxford is the birthplace of Stephen Hawking and Winston Churchill. It’s the home of intellectual rigor and one of the best universities in the world. But as good as Oxford university is, far too often people conflate it with the city itself ignoring the wonders on offer. From Old Man Bridge to Branos’ chicken strips meal, there is a lot more to Oxford than being really, really, ridiculously intelligent.

As literally everyone from this historic city will tell you, Oxford is the best city in the world.  

No one is any good at punting

May Day is the highlight of everyone’s year

The only night in Oxford where clubs stay open this late, and people will take full advantage. Only in Oxford would thousands pour into the streets at 6am to listen to some choir boys singing about the merry month of May.

Everyone gets so battered that police have to put up fences to stop people from jumping off Magdalen bridge into the perilously shallow waters below. When everyone starts to crash at around 8am a mass exodus to Tick Tock cafe will take place, home to the greatest full english known to man.

You’re used to people presuming you’re a genius

I didn’t get into my first choice uni and got a B in A-level Geography, but whenever I tell people I’m from Oxford they automatically presume I’m really clever. Admittedly I’m in the minority, but the collective intelligence of the city boosts other people’s opinion of you. 

The nightlife is pretty shit but you’ll always have fun

You know exactly what to expect, so you can’t be let down. You embrace how shit the music is, and who cares because you’ll bump into everyone that you want to see. No club is big enough to lose people, so that’s never a problem. You won’t be walking more than ten minutes from club to club, and if you can’t work out where to go – there’s always PT.

Love or hate it, MNB has played a huge part in your life

Monday may be everyone’s least favourite day of the week, but for all Oxford residents, it means one thing and one thing only. Monday Night Bridge.

During the holidays, every returning uni student will be seen in Bridge dribbling Blue Lagoon on themselves and trying to get with their mate’s ex-girlfriend or sister or both. Seemingly every time you return you will marvel at how alarmingly young the demographic has become. But don’t worry, you probably know Conor Diamond or Sam Zappi so you can escape to VIP, away from the kids.

You can guarantee a great squad photo at MNB

And Plush lounge is the best ending to your night out

Anywhere that stays open past 2am is a luxury here.

Everyone knows everyone

You literally cannot do anything without everybody knowing. Even your Head of sixth form was clued up on all of the weekend’s gossip.

Some people moan about Oxford being too small, but you can’t really complain when you bump into about five people you went to school with accidentally on Cornmarket or on a night out. If you’re lucky, you may even end up seeing one of your teachers in the cloob.

The gap students were always up for a loose one

You can tell a lot about someone from what school they went to

If you went to Magdalen you got really good GCSE results and love telling everyone at any given opportunity. Abingdon students are intellectually inferior but are cooler as they love talking about drugs over Facebook. Headington girls – or “the whores on the hill” as they’re known – love rowing, trips to Grays and smoking on Brasenose lane. Teddies girls all wear puffa jackets and air maxes and now do History of Art, whereas the boys can be seen in Leeds, Manchester or Bristol wearing the shirts they picked up from Cambodia on their travels. Radley boys will never stop telling you how good they were at rugby during sixth form and can always be found in Embargos or 151 on the King’s Road. OHS girls are intelligent and polite, but become utterly terrifying when on a sports field. And Cherwell students have a strange and undying love of Cellar and AMT. And then there’s D’Overbroecks, the dropouts that everyone loves.

Just your average Magdalen student

As long as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, Roppongi will be giving free entry and free shots

Don’t ever go in though. Its more tragic than the ending to Toy Story 3.

We have loads of old stuff

The Turf Tavern and The Bear date back to the 13th century. The Grand Cafe is the oldest coffee house in England. Oh and most importantly of all we have Old Man Bridge. 

Old Man Bridge is our local hero

Oxford’s answer to Hugh Hefner is still going strong.

Cowley Road Carnival

Just like Notting Hill Carnival, but with less people and you can walk home after.

Emma Watson went to school here

This may not be the most interesting of facts but everyone you meet that’s not from here will keep going on about it. 

Pubs are really expensive so literally everywhere else is cheaper

You may think that pubs being expensive is a bad thing, but this is very much not the case. If you visit a friend up north expecting to spend £4 on a pint like you do at The Kings Arms, you will be overjoyed with the unprecedented amount of change. Prices are very similar to London so you won’t moan about how much your flat Peroni costs on a night out in Chelsea.

Everyone takes loads of pictures on Varsity rooftop

Your Instagram is full of them. They’re guaranteed to rake in the likes from your jealous uni mates. Who cares how expensive the average Pinot costs when you have a view like this?

Branos is the best takeaway van in the UK, Europe and probably the world

If you lose your mates when exiting the club, you know you’ll meet them at Gloucester Green by the kebab van, a chicken strips meal from Branos in hand.  Even if you’re not there waiting for a taxi, you’ll be attempting to sober up before a dangerous and windy cycle ride home.

The chicken at Branos is not just for drunken nights out though. The sober Branos is equally a viable option.

We’ve got Wilderness Festival

The new SGP right on our doorsteps.

We have the best cocktail bars

The Duke of Cambridge, Raouls, Love Jericho, Mad Hatter, Cafe Tarifa, Kazbar. The list goes on. We aren’t often very sophisticated, but when we’re pretending to be, these are the perfect locations.

Your teenage years would have been spent getting drunk in uni parks or Christ Church

The upgrade from hanging out by the benches on Cornmarket. Before making our way home, everyone gave themselves a quick spray of deodorant to mask the smell of smoke and spilt Strongbow. Who says Oxford is classy?

Maybe even jumping into the river

The only way to celebrate finishing a year nine physics test

And you could always get served on the Cowley Road

As soon as someone in your friendship group showed even the faintest dusting of facial fluff, you’d be guaranteed to get served on the Cowley Road. You could then swagger your way over to a house party in Jericho or on Woodstock Road, Lambrini in hand feeling like Billy big bollocks.

Hi-Lo was a teenagers paradise

Sitting with a rum and ting on those battered sofas outside was a right of passage.

There is a house in Headington with a Shark coming out of it

This just goes to show how bat-shit-crazy some people who live here are. We really embrace our eccentricity.

Obviously, it’s history is incredible

Winston Churchill lived there, Alice in Wonderland was based here, and obviously there’s Oxford University which a couple of people have heard of.

St Giles Fair

The only thing that kept you going through the first week of term – St Giles Fair. You’d race out of school at four on the dot to meet up with the local girls/boys school and flirt by the dodgems.

The Thursday market at Gloucester Green has the best vintage clothes you’ll ever find

People who own vintage shops across the country actually come here to buy stuff and sell it for a higher price. You’ve really got to dig, but you’ll find some absolute gems for a ridiculously cheap price. Worth getting up early for.

There are better clothes than this

Oxford just is the best

When people think of Oxford they think of the Bullingdon Club but anyone from ‘The Shire’ knows thats a painfully unfair representation.

We may be from a historic city predicated on its intelligence and class, but that doesn’t mean we’re not loose. Just take a look at the Bridge smoking area at 1am on a Tuesday and you’ll soon agree.