The people who hate Valentine’s are bitter and unwanted

To paraphrase Kate Nash, you must eat so many lemons

How many people do you know that hate Valentine’s day?

Now think: how many of those people have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Now times your answer by 1000. It’s still zero isn’t it. 

These soul-sucking, capitalism-bashing, rose-loathing love sponges are ruining a legitimate holiday and I’ve had enough.

Why is there one day where we have to celebrate love? Fine, cancel all the holidays then. Who the hell is so absurdly literal that they do nothing remotely romantic until the 14th of February.

Valentine’s doesn’t mean you can only celebrate love on this day, it’s merely a specific outlet giving everyone an opportunity to pull some heart strings. For singles, it provides an excuse to send the person you’ve liked for ages a token of your affection. Why is that a bad thing? In any case, I won’t be receiving an Easter egg in June.

“The presents are generic and cringey.” Well you know what? That’s because everyone likes flowers and chocolate. It’s the same reason you watch Match of the Day every Saturday night, or order the same Lamb Bhuna from Ghandi’s. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with a little pattern or routine.

The type to criticise this probably also talk about going to an airport and buying the first plane ticket available, but they never do.

One day. One day is all you have to deal with a little sickly romance being rubbed in your face. No-one is handcuffing you to a desk chair, cramming little chocolates in your mouth and forcing you to watch Bridget Jones’s Diary on repeat. Just avoid the French restaurants, the cinema and walking in the park. Were you really going to go this Sunday anyway?

Next time you’re having a crack at the whipping boy of holidays, remember – you’re just not as happy as everyone else.