All the characters you’ll come across in Volt
Have you ever seen a fifty year old man pinging on the dancefloor?
Between Ink Mondays and Crisis Wednesdays, we’re pretty much spoiled for choice when it comes to nightlife. But let’s face it, these precious nights of drunken splendour would be nothing without some of the people you see having a “sick time” bouncing around the club to Mr Brightside.
However, if you go to Volt you’re in for a particularly interesting time, and you’ll be sure to meet some interesting people too.
The two minute mate
No night is a proper night out without either (a) spilling something on someone, (b) bumping into somebody or (c) gracefully falling over someone’s perfectly placed foot and trying to recover like a pro. After these events there are three ways it could go: a fight, a head nod, or the Two Minute Mate. If you’re fortunate enough to make the latter, you’re halfway to a free drink and two minutes of nonsensical bliss.
You will laugh at anything. You will talk about anything. For those two minutes you are having the single most intriguing conversation with a person you just do not know and will probably never meet again.
The crying girl
There was concern, and rightly so. Her friends are there to act as an iron curtain around her. Any male within two meters is shot with that look. Boyfriend issues? Lost shoe? Essay due the next day? We’ll never know how they ended up in a ball in the middle of the dancefloor sobbing. But we hope she’s alright, whoever she is.
The lad pack
There’s no doubt about it, they’re out in force at the moment. Since 1990’s, the Lad Pack has been in decline. Yet 2015 saw a resurgence in ‘Lad Culture’ with self-professed “lads” sporting 97’s and the latest Emporio Armani tracksuits.
The phoenix has risen from the ashes: Fosters, Fifa 16, banter: the humble melody underpinning every Lad Pack’s night out. Anything with a pulse is game.
In Volt, the resounding chorus of “this is an absolute banger” echoed around the club at least once every three songs. Lock your daughters up, it’s only going to get worse.
The cigarette fiend
Nearly every time you’ve been to the smoking areas in Notts, they’re there. You see them, they see you. They wander over, looking casual. There’s only one thing they’re after: tobacco.
You’re now feeling drunk and possibly the most generous you’ve ever been. They ask for some baccy. No problem. Another 10 minutes later and you’ve had three baccy requests, two guys in need of paper and a girl that’s too smashed to roll so you begrudgingly do it for her.
When you get too mortal, you are incapable of functioning like a basic human. Whether you’re trying to walk or merely get your words out, you look as though you’ve recently escaped from an asylum. You offend people, you weird people out, and you’re probably annoying your friends. However, if you are a relatively docile Wasteman it’s not too bad, you can just fall asleep in whatever position you want and feel comfortable.
We’ve all encountered a Wasteman at some point. Volt had one or two, but they were decent. No problems at all.