Everything you don’t miss about living in halls

Circuit laundry is the biggest rip off since 60p Freddos


Student accommodation, or the introductory year to your university life. Crammed into a ten bedroom flat that makes '70s prisons look like Martha Stewart homes with strangers you'll either be stuck with for your entire life or grow to hate, halls are immersive. Whether it's questionable stains, the financial strain of simply washing your clothes, or the 3am fire alarms, halls are a formative experience you'll never quite forget. Here's everything we don't miss about them.

Walking down three flights of stairs just to do laundry

Everyone puts off doing laundry, but there's only so many days you can throw on your "old reliables". Then you pay the extortionate price and wait by the one machine that works while thinking "Next time I'll just buy more pants or go commando."

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Fire alarms

Oh yeah, you know you groan while hauling yourself out of bed. The alarm blares as you're cursing some first year who decided oven pizza tastes better half-charred, and you start to wonder if burning alive really wouldn't be so bad after all.

Unfriendly flatmates

You may get lucky with some great flatmates, but if you don't, awkward small talk is your only option. They ask about your day, but somehow you feel that it's code for "If I never talk to you again, that'd be just fine." A small, forced smile is your go to greeting for the year.

The idiosyncratic "quirks" of your flat

Does your heating not work properly? Does your shower have a pressure that borders on water torture? Does your window not open? Does your window not close? Are there cockroaches in your room? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you might just be in halls.

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The "broken thing"' of your flat

These are less "quirky" and more "way beyond repair". It could be the oven, the stove, the microwave, the toaster, the sink…basically anything useful for cooking. It (probably) wasn't your fault, but you figure you can make it work Bear Grylls style and adapt. This lack of functional appliances can get on your nerves, but you're only a few minutes from the nearest 'Spoons, so you let it slide for now.

Food going missing

No matter how many sticky notes you leave or "friendly reminders" you give, someone will eat your food. And yet with all of the food being eaten, every time you go to put something in the fridge, there never seems to be space for it.

Questionable stains

If you have ever looked at your carpet and gone "Oh god, what is that?" or you have found someone got sick in the stairwell after a night out, then I am truly sorry because that is going to stay with you for a long time.

Gross kitchens

On the topic of stains, no matter how tidy your flatmates claim to be or not be, the kitchen always seems to be an absolute tip. The work surfaces are nasty, the fridge is horrendous and we won't even talk about what's in the sink. The bin is always full but all you know is it's not your turn this time.

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Very. Thin. Walls.

See where I'm going with this? Whether it's music you would never listen to, a flatmate who is scoring with the loudest partner on the planet or just drunk lads chanting something unintelligible, unless you go sleep outside, you know that 9am lecture tomorrow is just not happening.

The horrors of living in halls are pretty well unavoidable, but you can dull the frustration with comfort food, a soft blanket and a decent pair of ear plugs. Enjoy the halls life while you're there and don't eat someone else's leftover takeaway, because that's personal.