Hot Fuzz comes to Looga

Last week Loughborough confirmed its spot as one of 72 finalists from across the UK in the world famous Britain in Bloom contest.

Loughborough in Bloom, our team of local good samaritans, have earned widespread acclamation for their outstanding commitment to environmental responsibility, community participation and gardening achievement.

For the third time in eight years they are set to represent the town in the national finals and will be hoping to cap it with a win come August-time. A spokesperson for the group said: “It is an amazing honour and a testament to the hard work of all those involved with Loughborough in Bloom.”

It is pretty though

THE GREATER GOOD

But something seems a little peculiar here don’t you think? Remember in 2007 when the sleepy village of Sandford hit our big screens? Granted they were vying for the Village of the Year award but something seems eerily familiar here.

Not least for the various ‘coincidental’ deaths that have plagued the town in recent weeks. What about the brutal murder of two actors after the Stage Society’s showing of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet? Or the young Tab journalist who was mysteriously decapitated after he knew a little bit too much? If that isn’t enough, what about the merciless killing of the Chair of the Landscaping and Gardening Society… with her own shears?

Something stinks, and it’s not the Papa Si’s van outside the union. The locals hate us, everybody knows that. But has anyone ever stopped to think why?

Yes, we are rowdy. Yes, we drink excessively. Yes, we occupy most of Loughborough with our all-round legendary behaviour. But it goes deeper.

What’s wrong, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?

Students, and the university itself, are the only things standing in the way of that Britain in Bloom crown. I know it, you know it and most importantly, they know it.

At least now we know what the Head of Community Outreach meant when she said “volunteers make extraordinary efforts to improve the streets”, and applauded their impressive commitment to the local environment.

With the contest not to be held until August, who knows what could happen between now and then; if only Simon Pegg could save us.

Just in case you’re not onto it, this is the plot of Hot Fuzz. Nobody actually died. We did get to the finals though, and I still hope we win… I guess.