Fresher banned from Union after throwing a chair off Fusion balcony

A mad fresher has been banned from the Union for four weeks after throwing a chair off a balcony.

Towards the end of his first semester at Loughborough, Adam Roberts – a Maths and Sport Science first year – celebrated with friends after winning a Hustings nomination by going to Stuesdays.

But it all turned a bit sour when he drank beyond his limits and decided to throw a chair off of the Fusion balcony, resulting in him being banned from LSU for four weeks.

After getting the position of FREEC and common room representative of Butler Court, Adam and his friends decided to go out to Stuesday to celebrate it with a bottle of wine or two. Or was it three? If it’s about Adam you just never know.

Adam told The Tab: “The root of the problem was when we found out, we decided to go Stuesday and thought it would be a good idea to drink a bottle of white wine each in the remaining half an hour before queue jump closed.

“This was accompanied by at least one or two cans of Relentless energy drink. When we got to the Union, we danced for a bit and I remember not feeling particularly drunk, so, I drank at least two more double mixers. This is pretty much my last clear memory of the night.”

When we asked Adam what he intended to do with the chair, he replied: “I wish I knew. I get the feeling my thought process is far from typical at the best of times and it may simply have been that, in my drunken state, I found the concept of a flying chair funny and decided to find out what it would actually look like.”

A few seconds after the chair had landed, a number of bouncers escorted him out and told him he was now banned for four weeks of term time.

Asking him about how he felt about his ban he said: “It was frustrating. After a long week you want to be able to go out and blow off some steam with your friends and I couldn’t. Missing the final FND was the worst part. I bet that was a great night.

“It’s worth noting I was banned for all of exam time, so that was probably a good thing. Maybe throwing a chair off a balcony helped me do better in exams, it’s strange how these things work.”

We asked Adam how his parents reacted, he said: “Something like ‘You dingbat’. It was something along those lines. In truth, my parents were incredibly supportive, as they always are. I think they understand I learn by pretty much doing everything wrong the first time and this was no exception.

“I’m thankful I didn’t hurt anybody, that would be really hard to live with. I learnt that aggressively pre-drinking with white wine is not only odd, it’s a really bad idea and that going passed my limits has potentially catastrophic consequences. If I hurt somebody, then I’m worse than those mouth-breathing imbeciles who try to start fights at the Union.”

Adam’s first time back to the Union was right after his exams. He said: “It was an awesome night and of course I had to endure about a million chair throwing based jokes, which is fair enough I guess.”