Why ‘Shottingham’ isn’t actually as bad as it sounds

You gotta love the tahhn

When I say I’m from the bleak but beautiful Nottingham, I get some interesting responses.

Many of them are along the lines of “is that near Birmingham” or “where the hell is that”, but I choose to ignore these remarks.

Nottingham isn’t so well known, but it’s definitely more than its reputation for the occasional stabbing and a guy that might not even have existed.

Sherwood Forest and Robin Hood?

Most people in Nottingham only care about one Forest: Notts Forest, and how crap they are at football. I’ve never met Robin Hood personally but I’m sure he’s a barrel of laughs.

Old Robin

Oooh I’ve heard it’s a bit rough there in Shottingham

Yeah, I suppose it’s no Harrogate or Kensington, but if you can name a place that doesn’t have shit bits then you’ve obviously never left your kushy little country estate.

No one knows where it is or what it’s like

People always ask “is it in the North or South?” How can you even ask me that? I am neither Northern or Southern so don’t even go there, or I’ll knife you.

I’ve heard it’s got a great uni!

It is great, as long as you’re not thinking of Nottingham Trent. If you are, then you need to rethink your definition of ‘great’ and replace it with ‘tragic’. It sounds harsh but I say it in jest, though Nottingham Trent University truly is a sad place.

The nightlife is actually decent

No matter how many times people slag off Rock City, I’ll always defend Nottingham nightlife.

If you live on the outskirts of the city, it’s sickeningly middle class and has a large proportion of Sainsbury’s locals. However, once you hop onto the 36 bus you know you’re in for a good night. What’s great about town -or “tahhn”- is that nowhere is classy enough for a dress code. You can rock up to cocktail places in a t-shirt and trainers and no one bats an eyelid.

If you’re into a rave or two, Stealth is your place. The more desperate go for Forum, which thankfully got closed down because it was too shite. That’s probably not the actual reason, but everyone knows that place was rock-bottom. Yes, I have been there and no, I’m not proud.

If you really want to get drunk quickly, take a quick trip to Blue Bell. The £1 shots are hard to turn down on a Wednesday, it’s full of people in fancy dress; sometimes for student nights, sometimes because people haven’t got changed since student night, and sometimes because they are one of those people that dress like an alien trying to blend in with humans and fail.

That Nottingham charm

Being in the Midlands, means that you get the best and worst of both worlds. You can easily blend in with your Waitrose-worshipping Southerners and your Northerners who all apparently live “near Leeds”. Sometimes there can be a break down in communication however, such as the outrage on my flat mates faces when I pulled out a bread roll I had previously described as ‘a cob’ instead of the sweetcorn they had expected.

Everyone from Nottingham knows it’s not as bad as people say it is. From the Contemporary Art Gallery, Goose Fair, Nottingham Castle and Wayne Manor (Wollaton Hall), it’s needless to say that Nottingham isn’t really that shit.

I suppose it’s no Edinburgh, but it’s not up its own arse either.