It’s time: The definitive final ranking of the entire MAFS UK 2023 cast

After tonight, that’s that. MAFS UK 2023 will throw its bouquet for the final time. To say it has been a chaotic journey would be the understatement of the year. This series, your opinions change on the brides and grooms like the weather. One minute you’re rooting for them, the next they do something unforgivable. It’s drained the life out of me, to be honest with you – but in the best sort of way. It feels like this season started 36 years ago, not 36 episodes ago. Before the last time we see the full cast together tonight, here is the final ranked rundown of every bride and groom in the MAFS UK cast for 2023.

24. Brad

In dead last, to the surprise of literally no one, is Brad. The fact he had to get removed from the show because the experts were concerned the relationship was turning toxic tells you everything you need to know. Even his promotional picture feels sinister. I was shocked he was allowed to come back for the final dinner party, if I’m honest.

23. Nathanial

What really grinds my gears about this man is that he never had ANY interest in Ella. They were never a couple, it was never romantic – but he dragged it out because he wanted to stay on TV. When Ella found feelings for someone else, he made himself the victim because he was embarrassed he didn’t get to bin her off first. He also went to the press on like, week two, and spoiled the entire show for people. Dreadful behaviour and bad vibes all round.

22. Peggy

I know they both say the show has edited a lot of their relationship out and I know they’re still together, so something must be fine between them, but from what I’ve seen of Peggy I do not like. Very traditional, pearl clutching, prudish and a complete lack of comprehension of what Georges does for a hobby and an unwillingness to learn. Atrocious vibes.

21. Tasha

If you’d told me during the first few weeks of MAFS UK 2023 that out of all the cast, Tasha would be ranked amongst the worst I’d literally never believe you. But ever since Erica joined the experiment and I saw this really nasty side to Tasha, it’s been nothing but downhill. The way she speaks to Paul? Jawdropping. If she’s willing to speak to him like that on TV with cameras all over her, god knows what she’d say when they’re not.

20. Sean

This fella was just not made for TV. I have no clue how he got onto this show or why he even applied in the first place. Something very off with his demeanour the whole time. I misjudged Mark and thought he’d be the nightmare in this couple, but it was actually Sean. Came on last and left within like a week. A flop by all accounts.

19. Luke

The biggest shit stirrer in television history. Jay was so right: He’s more arsed about meddling in other people’s dramas or what’s going on with other couples than he is about her. Tragic. And his social media presence since leaving the show has been, in a word, woeful.

18. Matt

Don’t have many qualms with Matt but perhaps that’s because I feel like I literally don’t know him at all. Obviously he was a late arrival, and all we know of him is that both Adrienne and Peggy found him boring. If PEGGY finds you boring, we are in the trenches I fear.

17. Porscha

Objectively a complete and utter nightmare, but in an iconic TV way that sets her ahead of everyone in the MAFS UK 2023 cast ranked lower than her. The “treat me with such… disdain” line was honestly Shakespearean.

16. Mark

Actually owe Mark an apology because I thought he was going to be a complete and utter nightmare, but he turned out decent and got the shit end of the stick. Came in late and left early. A shame.

15. Adrienne

Wish Adrienne nothing but the best, but feel like her being a late arrival hurts her placement on the ranking. Don’t really know that much about her but she always seemed nice. Gorgeous too!

14. Terence

He really did deserve better, ol’ Terence. Got a couple of funny lines in when he parred Porscha off and then made me die laughing by arranging a meet and greet brunch tour with the cast. Our entrepreneurial king.

13. JJ

JJ gets a rough ride from everyone because of how things went down with Bianca. I get it. But I don’t think he ever lead Bianca on and there was never any spark there in the first place. Despite how things didn’t work out fully with Ella, he showed he was a lovely lad and honestly I think he’s done amazing things for straight guys by treating Ella like the woman she is. If you are a straight guy and you date a trans woman, you are still straight. JJ took it in his stride and didn’t care what people thought, and that’s admirable and will have done a lot of good to viewers in educating people on that.

12. Shona

Our wronged queen Shona did nothing but slay on this show and I wish she was put with a nicer fella so we could have got more of her. I’m obsessed with the way she looks like Ellie Goulding and I love how intense she is. Icon.

11. Jordan

I know everyone hates him but honestly I just feel quite sorry for him. I think he’s a decent guy who is his own worst enemy. He can’t own his mistakes because his communication skills are garbage and it results in more chaos and distress than it needs to. I genuinely wish him all the best, every time it goes tits up it just feels like a shame to me.

10. Arthur

The vows from the internet thing had him in the firing line instantly, and I know sometimes he didn’t know when to shut his gob and came across as obnoxious at dinner parties, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Arthur is a lovely guy. He holds his own, stands up for what he believes and although it’s sad it didn’t work out with Laura he’ll find someone who loves him for his silly ways. Vest and all. Perfect way to kick off the top 10 MAFS UK cast ranked for 2023.

9. Rozz

I know she’s literally public enemy number one for breaking Thomas’ heart, but let’s be real: This is a lovely girl. She can’t fake how she feels just because she’s on TV and we want them all to work! She did the right thing for her, and it’s so wholesome that her and Thomas are still so close. Maybe one day!!!! We can dream.

8. Paul

Just an all round lovely bloke. You’d trust him with your life. You’d feel safe with him in any room.

7. Bianca

Whilst some of her girlbossificiation went awry with her showing last night, Bianca deserves top 10 when getting the MAFS UK 2023 cast ranked purely for how iconic she was on the explosive dinner party that saw Ella and JJ’s flirting revealed to the whole group. She was on smoke, and an icon. Last night she was still going on about it and I think she was being a bit dramatic considering the time had past, but still. We must thank her for what was probably the best episode of the entire season.

6. Erica

I know a lot of people haven’t warmed to Erica, but I am not one of those people. I think she comes across amazingly, to be honest. She’s caring, fair, handles herself in an argument and I just know we’d be mates in real life. Wish her nothing but the best.

5. Ella

Say what you want about Ella, and many have said exactly that over the course of the season, but she has defined this year’s MAFS UK in almost every way. Of course her casting as the first trans woman was groundbreaking, but what has been the most special is how everyone accepted her for who she is and how much a good representation for trans people she has been. Trans people are not perfect, they are human like everyone else. Ella has pissed people off, been messy, made reckless decisions – and people have hated her for it. But not because she’s trans, because she’s been a dick. But as well as that, she’s been incredibly vulnerable, matured a lot, made great friends and been an overall a force for good for LGBTQ representation on TV.

The season wouldn’t have been right without her.

4. Jay

One thing I love more than anything in this world is being northern, and Jay feels like home to me. She’s that girl I’d meet on a night out in Manchester or Leeds who would change the trajectory of my life forever in a smoking area. I can’t imagine ever feeling shit around her because she’s so loyal, warm and strong willed. An absolute queen – Luke had no clue how good he had it with her.

3. Georges

Who’d have thought Mr Mommy Milkers himself would end up being the most lovable and genuine fella ever? Not me! He deserves the world does Georges. I hope he really sees how special he is and isn’t just cracking on with Peggy for the sake of it because from what we’ve seen on the show I don’t feel like she values him for the nice guy he is. Kind soul, big heart, big baguette. And I’m chomping.

2. Thomas

I wrote Thomas off as a bore giving nothing at the start, but how wrong we were! Watching Thomas and Rozz develop their marriage into something genuinely lovely to root for was gorgeous, and it made it all the more heartbreaking seeing it fall apart. I actually couldn’t bear to look when he was so upset because it was such a shame it didn’t work out. All season he came across as someone genuine and kind whose only flaw was people saying he was quiet. God love him!

1. Laura

I wrote Laura off on episode one as a stuck up, Chelsea obsessed snob. She was actually a lesson in not judging a book by its cover. Whilst all the Chelsea-loving is clearly a side to her character, what shone over MAFS UK 2023 and what’s got her to the top spot of all the cast ranked is that time and time again, she proved she had the biggest heart on the show. Anytime something went wrong or someone was upset, Laura was on it. You know the saying that you’re never more than six feet from a rat? Laura is never more than six feet away from a tear. She was basically a one woman welfare team for this lot.

Whilst her friends rubbed people up the wrong way, Laura didn’t blindly listen to them. She had a lot of agency, she tried to make things work and always handled herself well even if she came across blunt at times. All season she’s consistently reminded everyone she’s a good egg, and she’s been my fave of the season.

Until next year I guess!

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