Bad rapping and Breaking Free: Everything wrong with the Love Island talent show of 2022

And just like that, the Love Island talent show is over again for another year. I had a lot of high hopes for this talent show, because this cast is nothing short of iconic. Last year’s talent show was easily the best episode of that season – even if it was just for the cinematic excellence of Millie plink plonking away on a ratty keyboard. Ahh, that’s history. The producers did everything in their power to get iconic moments of this year’s Love Island cohort, but the 2022 talent show just felt transparent. Here’s everything that was wrong with the Love Island talent show of 2022.

Why didn’t Tasha dance?

Poor, poor Tasha. My relationship with her and Andrew is turbulent to say the least, but currently I am firmly pro Tandrew and I want only the best for them because I’ve concluded that even if their saga is ridiculous, they are nice and well meaning people. And genuine. And genuinely really into each other. I just want them to have a good time!

Tasha is a brilliant dancer – genuinely outstandingly good. She should have been allowed to get up in front of that firepit and slay some choreo like Danica. In fact, jib off Gemma and Paige as a double act and give us Tash and Neek teaming up and demolishing the villa with a routine. Instead, we got a clearly nervous Tasha doing the Cup Song from Pitch Perfect looking like she’d rather be quite literally anywhere else on planet earth.

The show wants another Millie piano moment SO BADLY

Sure, I laughed along with the Indiyah flute debacle – who wouldn’t? Andrew was in fits of hysterics! But like… There’s no way Indiyah thought she needed to dust off her flute and toot toot the melody of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. When Millie played the piano, it kind of felt like she genuinely wanted to do it. Indiyah looked mortified.

I guess, though, that the ITV producers got what they wanted. The memes were meming, the tweets were tweeting – Indiyah joined the photo edit archives as people raced to Frankenstein edit her in. I just wish the iconic moments felt a bit more authentic.

Davide’s carbonara

Why did it look like an omelette may I ask?

Everyone having Ekin-Su’s name in their mouths for some reason

Everyone in the villa is obsessed with Ekin-Su – and not for the same reasons the rest of us on the outside. They cannot keep God-Su’s name out of their Gob-Su, and it’s driving me mad. Why are you bringing her up in your mumbled rap, Dami? Why are you slating her talent Gemma and Paige? Just as she literally uses her talent show time to big up all her seasonal girlfriends like she’s been doing all season.

She is not just good reality TV, she’s a good person. Why does she get this slander? How DARE Adam Collard say Davide is punching. I was the one who was punching when I swung for my telly.

Andrew managing to somehow have the best talent with his villa dollhouse 

When I heard that Andrew’s talent for the Love Island talent show 2022 was going to be him “bringing his estate agent skills to the villa” I was nervous to say the least. Perhaps this is because everyone else didn’t slap like they should have, or perhaps because Andrew actually is very charming and had absolutely zinging one liners? Anyway, king shit.

Paige being useless

It’s not wrong to say we had no need for Paige during the Love Island talent show of 2022, because Gemma Owen had it covered. Front to back, baby. Whilst I was initially disappointed to see the producers hadn’t herded in a horse for Gemma to dressage about on around the fire pit, her lyrical lock on the seminal Black Eyed Peas banger My Humps was rather stirring.

Luca *shudders in fear* Bish

When I saw Luca hauntingly walk towards the group in a white trackie, I jokingly muttered to my friends “We’re soaring and we’re flying” – of course, referencing Troy Bolton in High School Musical. Then the music started and my laughter turned to tears as my flippant comment became realised as a prophecy of nightmarish proportions. I really hope to god that Gemma listens to the true message of the 00s classic and breaks free from fishy Bishy soon.

Love Island 2022 continues on ITV2 at 9pm tonight. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.

Featured image courtesy of ITV before edits. 

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