Here’s everything you need to know about the Green M&M ‘slut-shaming’ drama

Young people online are sick and tired of performative nonsense from brands. We simply do not want to hear it. We don’t want to see Hellman’s Mayonnaise tweeting about West Elm Caleb. We don’t want Ryanair making TikToks talking about “making bank” and calling me bestie”. But most of all, we don’t want to see the only icon in the world of chocolate with any star quality about her reduced to a pair of ugly trainers. Alas, that’s what we now have. M&Ms have singlehandedly ended misogyny and discrimination with their latest move – “progressively” updating their chocolate beany bunch in a move simply not one person in Gen Z asked for. Here’s all you need to know about what happened with the Green M&M, why it happened and why Twitter won’t stay silent til our Green Queen gets her heels and lashes reinstated.

Silence, brand!

The M&Ms rebrand is an attempt to reach the Gen Z market, a move trying to appeal to what business bigwigs THINK that demographic want, but the move just proves how out of touch they really are. The rebrand and reintroduction to the jaunty little chocolate gang states that Red will be toning down his bossiness, “Orange will acknowledge his anxiety” (I can’t cope) and saddest of all, that Green will be rocking a fresh pair of kicks. Green’s bio on the official M&M page now states “I think we all win when we see more women in leading roles, so I’m happy to take on the part of supportive friend when they succeed”, and empty, watched-RuPaul’s-Drag-Race-once quips like “I’m too busy shining to throw shade”. Shine on, doll, but why can’t you carry on doing it how you were already?

Why do her yassified boots have negative implications, Mars?

If the bespectacled Brown M&M is the Velma Dinkley of the gang, then Ms. Green is the showstopping Daphne Blake. But what makes Daphne Blake such a great character, especially in the live action films, is that she’s intelligent, resourceful and strong whilst wearing a haute couture wardrobe in shades of purple. She doesn’t girlboss it when she takes her go-go boots off and whips on some sensible shoes. Daphne stays true to her style and personality and kicks villain ass regardless. Making the Green M&M less feminine implies that you can’t be smashing life and being “a hypewoman” in boots and lashes, and you’ve got to put some white slip ons on to get anything done. It’s useless, it’s empty, it’s performative nonsense to get more sales from the younger market under the guise of being helpful and more inclusive. It’s brand marketing. It’s hell.

Conservatives and Daily Mail readers think this move is “woke”, and what the next generation want. We don’t want it, it’s not woke and it won’t help any social issue.

Twitter will not rest – JUSTICE FOR MS. GREEN

The conversation on Twitter has gone quite the opposite to the direction that M&Ms were likely to be hoping for, further reinforcing the fact that these companies haven’t got the slightest clue how to hit the demographic correctly. Here are some of the best tweets and memes shouting out justice and a heeled return for our Green M&M icon after her change:

We’re drinking to that

They better not!

I endorse this

Plz!

Ms. Green was expelled

Might get this tattooed on me

Green M&M in featured image courtesy of M&Ms / Mars.

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