Hinge voice notes are dating app hell and these five examples prove why

The only thing better than hearing Hinge voice notes is sending them into your group chat to laugh about

Dating apps are nothing new. They’ve been around for years, and you’d think they can only get better… sorry to say, they have in fact gotten a whole lot worse. Catfishing, ghosting, cheats; we’ve seen it all. But the worst thing to come out of these apps, especially Hinge, has got to be the dreaded voice note.

I’m not sure why Hinge decided to introduce these gremlins, but they did and they’re here to stay sadly. They were added in October 2021 but boy have they caused some ISSUES. Hinge chief product officer Michelle Parsons explained why they had been introduced, saying: “With the introduction of Voice Prompts, we’re adding more authenticity to the profile experience, allowing users to fully display their personality in a new way.” All I heard was it makes me see cringe like never before…

So how do they work? Hinge gives you a prompt, and it could range from “what’s your typical Sunday” to “you shouldn’t *not* date me because” blah blah blah; once you’ve decided on a prompt, you can record your voice note and voila! Instant cringe alert x.

And yet… we still like them?! I’m just as amazed as you are, trust me. It’s like we want to ignore them, but we’re drawn to them; hook, line and sinker.

Maybe voice notes will become a thing of the past (please for the love of God), but they’re here to stay for now so be prepared for many, MANY icks heading your way.

These are just some of the worst Hinge voice note offenders:

‘If I fall for you, then, more than likely you’re gonna need to get a plaster because… I’ve cut my knee’

Now, this just leaves me speechless. I appreciate the confidence of falling for a goddess like me but there’s a few things wrong with this; a) there’s no ifs, buts or maybes about me, b) does it really hurt fancying me? If that’s the case then I don’t think we’d last… and c) making injuries more romantic, I beg! Say you fell for me because I’m a 10/10, not because I’m a safety hazard :(.

‘I want someone who can do clapping press-ups with me, like this, watch this *clapping sounds*… so yeah if you can do that’

I’m all for the gym and feeling good about yourself and whatnot. But, I think your green flags need to be slightly higher than finding someone who can do clapping press-ups (spoiler alert: I just sink like a balloon so…). Also… what’s with the noises??? There’s good old flirty imagery, and then there’s actual noises… pass me the bucket PLEASE. (We all know what clapping noises mean anyways… someone has been in lockdown for a tad too long *insert eye roll*).

‘Together we could… eat pizza. *munching and slurping sounds* How long were you willing to wait to hear my voice? And the rest is just me eating pizza.’

Again, I’m not sure why this person has included sounds, especially them slurping and slapping food in their mouths like huh??? Oh sorry, I forgot that bodily sounds are super attractive to me, please do more!!

‘Netflix, lots of food, and sex. Yeah.’

This was in response to what their typical Sunday would be. Happy with the first two, but whyyy does everything has to be sexual! Can’t a girl just be romanced for one in her life? My answer to Hugh Grant is out there somewhere…

‘I’m gonna give you some mood music so just sit back and relax. *proceeds to play Billie Jean, and ends with Careless Whisper*’

I’ll give credit where it’s due; love the choice of songs. However, what I don’t love is someone setting the mood for me and proceeding to change songs to get the right one; confidence hun! Makes me icky thinking about them trying to find the right song before the timer runs out…

*A word of advice… PLEASE don’t make a voice note unless you’re talking about something important (like pineapple NOT belonging on pizza)… otherwise you’re going to be sat wondering why you can’t find “Mr” or “Mrs” Right when, in reality, it’s because you’re creating icks people didn’t even know existed.

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