The Apprentice week two power ranking: Who’s at the top and who’s a turd toothbrush?
Petition to make brown and green colour schemes illegal
Just as we all came down from the collective high of a tidal wave of green and brown yoga turds and the definition of luxury being redefined by Bouji Cruises, week two of The Apprentice 2022 sent us all back into a green and brown tsunami of pandemonium, chaos and tooth decay. The boys days were marked when they settled on their toothbrush design being once again brown and green, proving that an absolute annihilation the week before is apparently not enough to teach some deludedly confident businessmen a lesson. The girls swooped to their second victory thanks to a strong pitch and a bright product, but at the cost of us all having to stare at an animated, grinning tooth that was truly the definition of nightmare fuel. But who rose to the top and who came out looking like the boys’ log tooth brush? It’s time for The Apprentice 2022 power ranking: WEEK TWO EDITION.
16. Wiffy the Wizard
Wiffy The Wizard is at fault for everything, and not just because he’s meant to be for children and looks the absolute spit of Grindr Killer Stephen Port. Wiffy looks off his tits on Class A drugs. With a penchant for green and brown and ugly animations, and a name that reeks of bad breath in a challenge about teeth brushing, Wiffy The Wizard remains public enemy number one.
Refused to let Wiffy the Wizard be fat even though, as we all know, “wizards are naturally chubby”. Also insisted and barely even tried that gender neutral wizards were too hard to make marketable and personally came up with the name WIFFY. Put him on trial at the Hague. Back to your rugby balls, you go.
This man is despicably useless and his days are numbered. “50 per cent of the focus group loved it”, aka ONE singular child. One child. Two weeks of bad showings from Nick, so next week I’m looking forward to the world burning since he’s been forced to be project manager.
Look, I quite like Aaron. He’s a good communicator and I think a reasonably credible candidate – but my god, he dropped the ball with that turd toothbrush and deserves a low The Apprentice power ranking position for it. Hope he manages to turn it round next week, since he’s one of the only candidates I’d quite like to go for a pint with.
“Wizards are naturally chubby” I mean, okay? Get this useless man gone.
Another week where I couldn’t tell you one thing Brittany did. Was she even there? No one knows.
Honestly has to just go and rewatch some of the episode to confirm Alex was actually in it and didn’t have a week off. The graphic designers got more screen time than him.
Another absolute spare part this week, but at least Akeem didn’t personally sign off on a green and brown tsunami of shite so I’d say that was progress!
The best of the boys was our resident Barb Navid, but honestly that’s not saying much. At least Navid tried to make changes to the brown and green colour schemes and tried to jazz up the hideous loggy wand. Just a huge shame he wasn’t listened to.
Yes Kathryn signed off on some semi babyish design choices, but she did a much better job than last week and was a real team player which made a nice change from her tyrannical Bouji Cruises campaign from week one.
Enthusiastic in the pitches, and with this bunch that’s about as much as I can ask for.
The clients absolutely loved the pitches this week, and the girls team got 11,000 orders. Stephanie did a lot of heavy lifting in the pitches, and even though she spent a lot of them saying “Oh, we’ll change it!” it worked out alright for them in the end, didn’t it! But a bit more spine please next week, Steph.
You know what? Sophie should have been listened to. She was always saying the app should have been clearer on its instructions on teeth brushing methodology. She turned it round after the green dress / green screen mishap last week.
Francesca lead the girls to a strong victory, and did a smooth and steady job as project manager. A good pitcher and came up with good ideas, but she’s also at fault for the worst aspects of her team’s work this week. She lead that chaotic and over complicated app with an iron fist, and she personally underestimated Queen Shama, so. No top spot amongst The Apprentice power ranking for you, doll!
Sorry, I just love her. End of.
Another week, another underestimation. Shama should have been project manager. Shama should have been on the design team. When will she get her day in the sun? Her time to shine. I need it. Shama supremacy.
Featured image courtesy of BBC.
Catch up on all of the candidates in the power ranking from The Apprentice 2022 by rewatching the episode on BBC iPlayer.
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