Love Island: Why has an iced coffee become every Islander’s romantic gesture of choice?!
Curtis Pritchard, I blame you
Something has happened to the Love Island villa this year, because there’s a new power player running the show. And for the first time ever, that power player is an inanimate object. Because the ultimate overlord of love, romance and grafting this year in the Love Island villa comes in the unexpected form of a humble iced coffee.
I don’t know when this shift happened, but it’s a shift that is undeniable. In Love Island 2021, romance isn’t on the cards unless the male has provided the female with a morning iced coffee. It is ritualistic and it is primal. It’s like an animal letting another animal know that it’s officially mating season. That iced coffee is the villa equivalent of a peacock showing off its feathers. And do you know what? I’m absolutely fascinated by it.
Hugo getting AJ an iced coffee was huge romance news, apparently
When Hugo dutifully announced to all and sundry that he was indeed making AJ an iced coffee after spending the last few days arsing about on whether he was interested in her at all, from the way the lads reacted you’d have thought Mr Hammond just told them all he was making her some personalised lingerie. His announcement was met with a chorus of ooohs and ahhhs and cheeky little school bus giggles made by boys who come across on telly like they’ve only just recently learnt what a vagina is. Very strange behaviour.
Once Hugo presented AJ with his sloppily made beverage, her reaction was equally as extra. She told the rest of the girls what he gave her and you literally would have thought he just asked to take her for bottomless brunch at The Ivy. Hugo has literally been slithering away and recoiling in fear every time AJ tries to hug him or kiss him up to this point, but now that the powerful symbolism of the morning iced coffee has occurred, there was no doubt in her or the girls’ mind that the PE teacher is head over heels with her and deep in the grips of romance.
Why has the Love Island villa morphed into some strange, medieval court filled with tokens of romantic gratitude!? The way the men rush to make this coffee as a symbol of their love then present it nobly at the girls’ dressing room pending approval. WHAT IS GOING ON!?
Competitive coffee making is the real Love Island
Hugo is only the latest to sign up to the cult of iced coffee, with the lads spending this season rushing to compete and present the girls with various food items as fast as possible. When Rachel was going to be choosing between Chuggs and Brad, both lads spent their mornings frantically whipping up breakfasts and peppermint teas in the off chance it would sway the tide their way. Brad pivoted over to the caffeinated side of the situation when Lucinda made her entrance, running so fast down to that kitchen to play at being barista that he made Usain Bolt jealous.
The funniest thing about this whole Love Island iced coffee pantomime is that the girls literally never even LIKE THE COFFEE??? But, boy, do they pretend to! The lads literally knock up a few grains of Nescafé Gold Blend, some milk, a blob of honey if they’re feeling generous and the girls all pretend it tastes great then slag it off once the guy is out of earshot. But they still act like it’s the most romantic thing that’s ever happened and honestly, the bar is so low that it’s in hell at this point.
Curtis Pritchard you have coffee stains on your hands for this!!!!
There is nobody I blame more for this pandemic of iced coffee making than Curtis Pritchard. To be honest, I would gladly blame all of the world’s problems on Curtis Pritchard if I could. But with this coffee situation, he is undoubtedly at fault.
What’s happened here is clearly all the lads in the 2021 Love Island cast saw Curtis’s timeless “I also want to be the person that get’s up and makes everyone a coffee so everyone’s ready for the morning” and took it as scripture that they must follow for instant love, romance and prosperity. It is the only explanation. Curtis Pritchard might spend his days haunting the streets of Hollyoaks now, but his villa legacy scares on to this day!
Love Island 2021 continues on ITV2 at 9pm tonight. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.