A considered ranking of the top 10 primary school bangers that used to slap back in the day

From the tiny ant, to the elePHANT

3 years ago

Primary school assembly. Mid Noughties. There’s a weird smell in the hall that distinctly reminds you of yesterday’s potato smileys. The floor is covered in a layer of fine dust which is 90 per cent Peparami. What you want more than anything else in the world is to be in year six and to to sit with the cool kids on those benches with the bobbly bits.

You’re having a right good natter to your mates about last night’s episode of Prank Patrol, when in marches the headteacher.

Silence. Fingers rest on lips. A lone Babybel wrapper blows across the hall. “Good morning Mrs Matthews. Good morning everyone,” you say, like the good, little oppressed clone you’ve become.

The music teacher hops onto the keyboard and whacks on the organ filter. Suddenly, we drop into All Things Bright and Beautiful and everything feels, well, bright and beautiful. You’ve almost forgotten that in about 20 minutes you’re going to have to recite your entire three times table in front of the whole class.

This is primary school. An innocent time in all of our lives, long before we even knew words like “disseration” and “breakout rooms.”

And the best bit of primary school? The bangers we used to sing in assembly.

Here’s a considered ranking of ten of the very best songs you definitely sung while at primary school.

10. Autumn Days

I feel the decision to whack this tune in at number 10 is divisive, but competition is tough in the primary school song charts.

Autumn Days starts slow, but really kicks off with the, “No I mustn’t forget” line.

Here’s a slightly harrowing rendition accompanied by some visuals of golden leaves, in case you forgot what Autumn was.

9. Morning Has Broken

Originally written by Cat Stevens, this is an absolute bobby dazzler. It’s less iconic than many of the other classic primary school songs, hence its positioning in ninth place.

8. One More Step Along The World I Go

For this song, you really want to be stood up so you can mimic walking around the world.

One More Step Along The World I Go is all about friendship, getting through the bad times and learning along the way. Who knew we were being secretly taught how to manifest back at primary school.

7. Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow?

There’s a distinctly God-heavy vibe running through this list.

While my school may have undoubtedly failed to inject religion into my veins, that doesn’t stop this tune from absolutely slapping.

Here’s a lyric video. CW: Heavy creation theory brainwashing takes place in this video.

6. Give Me Oil In My Lamp

Sorry Jesus, but I don’t need oil in my lamp if I’ve got a torch on my iPhone, do I?

This song’s got a top-class chorus. I don’t know who Hosannah is, but all I remember is that back in the day, I was desperate for her to sing to the King of Kings.

5. Lord Of The Dance

Here we go. This is it. We’re getting to the top tier now. Lord of The Dance is a serious tune.

This rendition is way more over the top than you probably remember, but it would still come last in the singing competition in hit Christmas film Nativity!

4. All Things Bright And Beautiful

Some might say this is THE primary school song to end all primary school songs. While it might be up there with the most memorable, it just doesn’t have the fun element of the top three.