A considered ranking of teen movie star’s pop songs from best to worst
Miranda Cosgrove really covered the Sugababes
As if one stream of very high income wasn’t enough for the countless celebrities that us mere peasants are oh so thankful for, pretty much every single one of them has turned their hand to a different craft to squeeze as much money out of the system as possible – singing. Whether it’s Ryan Gosling’s dark folk music or Miranda Cosgrove’s cover of that Sugababes song, they just can’t stay away from monopolising the game in every way they possibly can.
For better or worse, there’s enough music out by teen movie/teen series stars for a whole list of their offences to be drawn up, which is exactly why we’re here today. So, ranked from best to worst, here are the most iconic songs that teen movie stars have produced.
10. Miley Cyrus
Obviously, nothing comes close to Miley on this list in terms of commercial success, and she’s got more bangers than your nan’s toad in the hole. Was it any surprise that she had the best offering on this list? Absolutely not, and Seven Things is likely her most iconic early hit (Hannah Montana stans leave now).
9. Hilary Duff
At the number nine spot is Hilary Duff, best known for portraying Lizzi McGuire. The verses of Sparks aren’t great, and it doesn’t have the noughties charm of other releases on this list, but that’s redeemed by the chorus which has been meticulously designed… no, CRAFTED to be an earworm.
And it’s achieved exactly that. I’m gonna be whistling that chorus for the rest of the day now.
8. Joe Keery
Few people seem to realise that Joe Keery of Stranger Things fame is actually a rather accomplished musician, where on Spotify he performs under the moniker “Djo”. He has over 700,000 monthly listeners, with his most listened song “Roddy” having racked up nearly 16 million streams, and what else is there to say? The song is great.
7. Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling, super famous actor and part of the duo Dead Man’s Bones, has released a whole load of music that, again, people seem to be largely unaware of. All of it is a little dark, a bit folky, and the kind of stuff you’d imagine playing at a Halloween party – it’s great.
6. Penn Badgley
You’re driving through the English countryside and suddenly you see Penn Badgley walking down the road filming a music video with a short-sleeved hoodie on. Wyd?
Penn Badgley is the lead singer of the band MOTHXER, where numerous of the music videos are filmed in this intentionally amateurish low frame rate because… why not? It’s got a cool vibe to it – the kind of music they play in Urban Outfitters and that’s it.
5. Miranda Cosgrove
More astute listeners will identify this song straight away. It seems that as many British people didn’t realise Miranda Cosgrove covered the Sugababes as Americans didn’t realise it was a cover in the first place.
This is a great song in its own right which brings the score up, but that’s about where it ends – call me a Sugababes purist, but this will never even compete. When it starts and you expect “it was so easy that night” but you get “maybe I’m wrong you decide,” you know you’re in for a rough ride.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I think this is a lot worse than the original. You decide.
4. Amanda Seyfried
Sorry Mamma Mia fans, but it was too obvious to go for one of the Abba songs, so instead we’ve gone for a song of hers from Dear John. It’s a bit Twilighty, it’s a bit boring, and it could’ve done with some percussion to make it a little more exciting.
3. Lindsay Lohan
I’m sorry I had to show you this video, but if I had to see it then so do you.
This is basically Lindsay saying she hates people talking about her and following her, such as when people take pictures of her when she’s trying to bust serious shapes in the club. Although she has a point – the actual song itself is so uncatchy that it’s largely forgettable. And heavy rock?! I clearly misunderstood her fanbase.
2. Scarlett Johanson
At number two is a big number two of a track by Scarlett Johansson and Pete Yorn.
I’m just not sure about this. It’s the way it’s sung in that slightly cursive indie girl style and the words are deliberately not as articulated as they ought to be. It’s quite a nice little tune, but it’s certainly not begging to be added to your playlist and the more I listen to it the more I cringe. It’s the musical equivalent of a glass of milk – inoffensive, wholesome, but a little dull.
1. Amanda Bynes
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Aaaand at the number one spot, we have Amanda Bynes who is possibly best known for her amazing role in She’s The Man. I’ll give it to her, although it’s a catchy hook, I just can’t get behind this. For starters, it sounds like it was literally recorded into Whatsapp and sent to whoever put this car crash tune together.
Secondly, talk about cliche – “Diamonds diamonds diamonds on my neck on my wrist.” Although I will 100 per cent listen to the full thing upon release and end up unironically learning all the words, it’s undeniable that this is terrible.