‘He’s an arsehole!’: An investigation into what happened to Wodders the emu
Wodders is a FEMALE?!
You know those days when you’re doing something completely mundane like doing the washing or making breakfast and the most strange, uninvited memory just barges it’s way into your head with no introduction? For me it was washing the dishes earlier this week when I felt the sudden strange compulsion to shout: “HIS NAME’S WODDERS, HE’S AN ARSEHOLE!”. Where did this phrase come from? I remember two men shouting at each other over an emu, but I needed to watch it again to make sense of such a peculiar memory.
This helped to clarify absolutely nothing, obviously. The video is bizarre from start to finish, but I’m not going to let the inconceivable mystery of the man with the emu elude me. No, I want to know the answers. Who is Wodders the emu? And who is his owner? Does he take his emu to the pub with him? Is Wodders still alive? After a fair bit of googling, I’m happy to give you answers to all of these questions and more.
In case you needed a written transcript of the above conversation or you couldn’t possibly understand the incoherent babble of two Northerners arguing over an emu, here’s how it all plays out:
“What the fuck? You’re walking a fucking ostrich you daft cunt!”
“It’s a fuckin’ emu!”
“It’s an emu! Let’s have a look at it!”
“It’s a fuckin’ emu man.”
“She’s a beauty isn’t she?”
“It’s an he!”
“Oh is it?”
“His name’s WODDERS.”
“You’re fucked up you mate.”
“He’s an ARSEHOLE!”
An exchange of words that is immortalised in the minds of so many. So, what have we learnt about Wodders the emu and his owner?
Wodders and his owner live near Euxton
There is some enthusiastic discussion occurring in the YouTube comments regarding the whereabouts of Wodders and his owner in the video, but we can confirm that the incident occurred outside of the Bay Horse pub in Euxton. A few commenters even said that they’d seen Wodders and his owner themselves in the area.
The man who owns Wodders is Bill Felton
After a bit of further digging, someone in the comments section again came in clutch and revealed that the elusive man with the emu is called Bill Felton and he has a YouTube channel and Twitter account where he uploads wholesome Wodders content for our enjoyment.
On his YouTube channel there are five videos, one of which shows Bill with Wodders in the smoking area of the pub that he is presumably filmed outside of in Euxton. There’s also another video in which he was kind enough to upload footage of himself burning off waste oil just… because we’re interested in this.
Bill owns another emu named Mia
As if this wasn’t a weird enough situation, it turns out that Bill has TWO emus and not just the one. The second is called Mia – does that mean that Wodders has a girlfriend?! One can’t help but wonder if Bill is set to have some chicks on his hands in the future. Well, that would be the case if it weren’t for the next little bit of information that threatens to throw a spanner in the works:
Wodders is “a women”
“Now it’s grown up it’s laying fucking eggs” is just fantastic. This comments section is not only chaotic, but it just shatters everything we thought we knew about Wodders the emu. From this we learn three things:
- Bill is still very liberal with his swearing
- Wodders turned four years old in July of this year
- Wodders laid an egg so is in fact a female emu. “It’s an he” just doesn’t hit different anymore 🙁
Wodders was purchased on eBay
Surely there’s something slightly illegal being carried out when purchasing what is essentially an exotic animal on an internet auction site, but apparently there was a time when emu eggs could be purchased on eBay and hatched with an incubator.
A quick search seems to show no evidence of fresh emu eggs being available on the UK market, but baby rheas can be purchased on Pets4Homes if you’re in the market for an emu sized bird.