Why do all British people say these weird phrases at these exact moments?
Saying ‘ooooh, someone’s having a bbq!’ whenever you can smell one is the law
British people are strange. We do weird things, say weird things and love weird things. But for the life of me I will never understand why ALL British people simply cannot resist saying the same unexplainable phrases, all the time.
Like, I challenge a British person to stand up from the table without slapping their thighs and saying “right”. And, why oh why must we comment on the weather or how dark it is ALL the damn time?! Here is just a list of phrases which all British people simply have to say, at all of these exact moments.
1. CAN YOU TURN THE BIG LIGHT ON?
When referring to the main light in the room, or any light that isn’t just a lamp.
2. OOOH, SOMEONE’S HAVING A BBQ!
If you can smell a BBQ in Britain, you have to let everyone know.
3. RIGHT, WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
When you enter any new social situation, ever.
4. LOOK, IT’S YOUR BEST FRIEND
Every time you’re out with your best friend and see someone they hate, without fail.
5. OOOOH, BIG STRETCH
Whenever your pet stretches, be it actually a big one or not.
6. IT’S HOT TODAY, ISN’T IT?
British people love nothing more than telling everyone they know when it’s hot, even though they are experiencing exactly the same weather too and are very much aware of the current temperature. The reply is always just “oooh, yes”.
7. IT’S ACTUALLY TOO HOT THOUGH
Approximately an hour later.
8. THIS WEATHER IS MAD!
Whenever it is anything but cold outside.
9. DO I LOOK TANNED?
After spending approximately 10 minutes in the garden in the British sun. Spoiler: You don’t. You never do.
10. TOUCH WOOD!!
After saying something you really don’t want to happen. Don’t forget you then simply have to start touching your head too. Where did this even come from please?
11. MM, THAT’S QUITE NICE
Whenever you try anything new. No matter if you actually think it’s nice or absolutely disgusting, British people are waaaay to polite to say anything but “yep, nice thank you”.
12. SHE’S NOT GONNA SHAG YOU
This phrase is specially reserved for when your mates go a bit over the top in complimenting or talking about someone. God we’re charming.
13. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS CHIP!
Literally every single time you get any chip that is above average size in your takeaway. And you have to pick it up and get the attention of absolutely everyone who is with you.
14. ARE WE READY TO ROCK AND ROLL THEN?
This is, without fail, what every single British dad will say when you and your family are ready to leave somewhere.
15. NO THANK YOU, I’M SWEET ENOUGH ALREADY LOL
When someone offers you sugar in your hot drink.
You’re in a pub. You know why everyone has just erupted and shouted this in sync, don’t you?
17. I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW DARK IT IS ALREADY???!!
But it’s only 5pm????!! In the winter, there is just a sudden urge to observe that the evenings are much darker. And then it’s the reverse in summer time, we’ll also point out how shocking it is that it is still light at 9pm.
18. *SLAPS THIGHS* RIGHT
Whenever you stand up from a table.
19. THAT’S NOT A NORMAL CIGARETTE 🤪
When someone walks past you smoking and you can smell weed. Wow.
20. FANCY A CUPPA?
All day, every day.
21. THANKS, CHEERS, NICE ONE, THANK YOU
When someone holds multiple different doors open for you in a row, you have to thank them in a different way each time – that’s just the rules.
22. DID YOU SEE THE STORM LAST NIGHT?
If you don’t bring up a storm the morning after it happened with every person you see, you are simply not British.
23. LET ME COME IN YOUR SUITCASE LOL!
If someone you know brings up that they are going on a holiday, you feel a sudden urge to say this to them for no apparent reason.
24. OOOOH GO ON THEN!
Whenever someone offers you a biscuit. Naughty!
If I say this is the noise you make when a stranger bumps into you, you can hear it can’t you?
26. DON’T GO POSTING ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK!!!
– Your mum, whenever she sees you on your phone at a family event.
27. IS THAT JUST GOING TO LIVE THERE THEN?
Whenever someone has put something where it shouldn’t be, this level of pass-agg is necessary.
28. BEEN BUSY TONIGHT?
Sorry taxi drivers.
This is the conversation starter whenever you have some big gossip to tell someone.
30. AHHH THE CITY WE LIVE IN
Whenever you visit any sort of nice monument, park or rooftop bar in your home town.
31. OH, THAT MEANS IT’S FREE THEN
No, if the item doesn’t scan in the shop that does not mean you can just take it.
32. OH MY GOD, THIS IS LITERALLY JUST A BAG OF AIR
When you open a bag of crisps and discover you have been mugged off, once again.
33. FIESTY ONE YOU ARE!
Whenever anyone says anything slightly sassy. Why oh why, will we never just let The Inbetweeners go?!