How to keep a conversation going with your romantic interest in lockdown
No dead convos allowed!
Lockdown has made all of our lives so binary, we’ve all ended up living incredibly similar day-by-day realities. Yeah, it might change based on whether you have the all important garden or balcony, or whether you’re quarantining with your parents or mates – but one thing’s for sure. If you were single before lockdown started, you will have somehow ended up slap bang in the middle of a “talking stage” with a romantic interest. Maybe we’re all doing it to pass the time. Maybe that kick of sexual attraction just helps us get through the cold, lonely nights. Or maybe quarantine has made us all such melts that we’re actually all falling in love and are on track to become the second Boomer generation. Just maybe. (I’m going to call my son Hugo, what about you?).
The peril of the talking stage is… uh… the talking. Even if you and the other person get on like a house on fire, talking all day every day for a seemingly indefinite amount of time is destined to land you in a conversational dry patch at some point. But take it from me, a person who talks far too much all the time about a lot of things constantly (do you see my point), it can be fixed. You just need to know where to steer the convo, and what to ask. So, from my overflowing blabbermouth into yours, like a mother bird to its freshly hatched babies: here’s how to keep the convo flowing.
Ask about their day
I know you’re thinking right now “for fucks sake, that’s the most basic tip of all?” but asking someone how their day was is a classic that we all forget about from time to time! I know asking someone what they did all day in quarantine can feel like a cruel joke sometimes, because we’re barely doing anything at all – and if we are, it’s the same everyday. But you need to see this positively, don’t be a pessimist. There must be something about your day or theirs that you utilise as a lil’ golden nugget to spark conversation. Did they have a debate with their family about something? “Oh, what was it about, and what’s your stance?” Eat a great meal? “What was it? Can you cook?” They read something interesting? “Tell me all about it!” You need to actually try.
Find out about their childhood
My PERSONAL favourite. I do this with all boys on a first date because it gets all of the red flags out of the way early (i.e. if he calls his mum a bitch, probs one to avoid?) and it has a billion other conversation routes out of it. Also, asking what their childhood was like is a great way to bond. Everyone’s childhood is a bit messed up. Or a lot messed up. If you wanna understand why they are the way they are, this is the best thing you can ask about. Be prepared, though, that if you do this and get proper deep you do risk falling in love with them. Just putting that hazard sign up now. There’s a hole here, don’t fall in. Oh too late. You fell in. Good luck!
Ask about fave movies/books
Coming from a talking expert, DON’T do this too early, but do it at some point. It’s not the best way to start a conversation, it can get pretty awkward with you both just saying “oh sick yeah I haven’t heard of that”. Or if your interests are quite high brow, you risk looking like a Beam Me Up Softboi prototype. However, if you’ve exhausted a lot of other conversations and still don’t know what each others’ favourite movies are… what are you doing? That shit’s important! Firstly, it’s incredibly important for vibe check purposes. What if his favourite movie is Twilight? (Marry him). Or what if it’s *gags* guh uh sorry, uh *gags again* the Wolf of Wall Str- oh God I can’t even say it.
Try other forms of conversation
If it’s dead enough for you to consult this article but you still haven’t had a phone call or gone on a FaceTime date, babes, you’re not helping yourself. Just try it! It’s never as scary as you think, and you might love to actually hear their voice. Alternatively, voice notes can do the trick too!
Have a lil sext
Yeah I said it. And I’ll say it again. If you haven’t sexted yet but you’re both skirting around it, then maybe that’s the problem with the conversation. You both just wanna talk about getting off, the convo isn’t even dead – you just need a release. So maybe one night you can just initiate a little bit of sexting and see how it goes. Also, the post nut clarity is real, so it might help loosen conversation afterwards.
Just legit say whatever you’re thinking
This is a technique called “blurting” and yeah, it’s a real thing. You just say whatever is on your mind and let them respond to it, instead of letting what you say them go through a billion Cool and Intelligent filters. Just say something fuckin’ weird. If they stick around, they’re a real one.
Let them fill the silence, don’t overcompensate
The opposite of blurting. If you’re a natural blurter, and you feel like the conversation has been dead, maybe that’s because they’re relying on you to lead it. No one likes this responsibility on their shoulders 24/7, and a good conversation is even between two people. So when they expect you to ask a question, or maybe they give you a really dry response, don’t overcompensate. I like to think of this as “making them pay” for having shit chat. Sounds threatening but that’s because it is. Try harder. Please.
If you’re in fairly deep, ask them what their Love Language is
Love languages are our ideal form of communication for feeling most loved. Might seem weird dropping the word love into the convo, but if your romantic interest isn’t a weak dickwad, they’ll be fine with it. Plus, it’s just fun to know. You can just take a quiz and find out which you are, then discuss! A free convo topic from me, on the house! Don’t worry about it! Anytime!
If you’re in deeeep deep, do these 36 questions to fall in love
A psychologist created 36 questions which, when answered by two people, basically cause you to fall in love. Look I’m not providing you with a love potion, and I’m also not telling you to drop “Hey, wanna answer these 36 questions so we can fall in love with each other?” on the person you’ve been texting for six days. But it might provide some useful info if you’re looking to spin it that way.
My fave questions include: Would you like to be famous and if so, in what way? What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? For what in your life do you feel most grateful? However, let it be known that not all questions can be answered in quarantine – one of them requires you to stare at each other for four whole minutes. Weird at the best of times, let alone over Facetime.
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Featured image by Daniel Olah on Unsplash