I can’t respect a man as a sexual partner unless he has a big dick

‘All my interest goes away as soon as I see a small dick’

5 years ago

Welcome to The Tab’s weekly sex and dating advice column, where we’ll be answering your most sordid dilemmas – the ones you wouldn’t even tell the group chat.

I just can’t respect a man with a small dick as a sexual partner. When I have sex with guys and see their dick for the first time and it’s smaller than average – or even average sized, to be honest – I’m like “oh”. I immediately get the ick. I don’t know why but I find it so unattractive and I hate that I do, because I’m body shaming these guys and it would be horrible if they did it to me.

But to me, there is nothing sexier than when a guy pulls out his dick during sex and you’re like WOW OKAY. It’s so masculine, it’s so powerful. I think it’s probably something to do with the way I perceive men and the fact that I like to feel dominated and intimidated by my partners. I don’t know what to do because every time I have sex with someone and see a small dick I freak out and don’t want it anymore. What if I meet my soul mate and he has a small dick. Help me!!!

At least you know this is completely irrational and body-shaming, which is a good sign that you will overcome this issue. But this is a lot more deep rooted than you think. It's interesting that you equate masculinity to having a big dick, when often that's really not the case. You have to ask yourself. What does a guy having a big dick mean to you? What other qualities are associated with this? What qualities do you associate with being masculine?

If we look at the traditional portrayal of masculinity and manliness, society will tell you that it's a synonym for strength, stability, emotional maturity. We think masculine men are ones who can protect us from anything. Is it a… safety thing? I might be reaching here but maybe you think that if someone has a big dick and they have the ability to overpower you (in bed) and not irl. You see it as a slightly twisted sign of affection?

There was a period of time I only dated men who I thought "could actually pick me up" or would "pull me out of a burning building." I wanted someone manly. I constantly craved the safety I didn't get as a child. My dad wasn't around much and when he was, he was extremely unstable. I'll tell you who I thought was the epitome of "masculinity" though – my father. Of course, it was actually toxic masculinity and he was neither stable or emotionally dependable. So I spent a long time searching for men who fit this specific image, because I thought they would allow me to create a safe environment to thrive in. A safe environment I never had growing up.

You're not fucked up. Just figure out what you think it is that big dicked men will give you that others won't. What do men with little dicks trigger inside of you? Explore those feelings.

Do you have a personal sex and dating dilemma you desperately need an answer to? Email [email protected]. And dw, it’s all anonymous! ?