Has anyone seen my hair ties???

No but seriously where have they all gone

I’m really concerned about something. It’s 2017, Mercury has left retrograde, we’re all getting our lives together, growing older, becoming more put together and channelling positive vibes. But there’s one thing stopping me from fully embracing that namaste life and it is that I’ve lost around 144090217421 hair ties in the past year.

Does anyone know where they go? If we account for the ones used to hold back the hair of drunk girls being sick in the loos every time you decide to be a good samaritan, ones lurking at the bottom of old handbags and “lost in the beds of underwhelming boys” there’s still a deluge, an absolute mountain of missing ones.

I’m not saying they’re expensive. Or that I’m particularly sad about it, of course it’s just a minor inconvenience. It’s having to trudge to Primark once a month to buy a £1 pack. I mean yes, fair, that’s only £12 a year, and if you expect to live a long time, that’s what, £600 in your lifetime (plus the bus fares there and back). So yes that’s obviously fine. It’s the mystery around it though. Where are they!

I hope, wherever they are, that they’re happy at least. That they’re accompanied by bobby pins and earphone buds, and that one day, if the timing is right and it’s meant to be, that they’ll come back to me.